1. IS POSSIBLE IT A DM IS NOT A SCINETIST CAN RUN THIS GAME???!??!? THE GAME IS FULL OF SCINETIFIC REALISM, CAN A NOT-SCINETIST RUN THIS OR DOES A DECREE IN PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY, OR SCINCE NEEDED?? I DON’T WANT TO GET INTO SOMETHING I CANNOT HANDLE AND MY DECREE IN HOTEL MANAGMT. MIGHT NOT BE ENOUGH…..

HERE IS MY AUDITION. SCINETIFIC REALISM IN A GAME MEANS USING THE W REAL WORLD FOR PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS, AND SPACE MONSTERS……… SO HEAR IS A LIST OF REAL PEOPLE TO MAKE NPCS FOR FOR MY ENCOUNTER CRITICAL GAME, TELL ME IF THIS IS SCINCETIFIC ENOUGH:

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

ATILLA HUN

EINSTEIN

WARMASTER HORUS

CONAN

JOHN CLAUDE VANDAM

KING CONAN

TOM SELLICK

THE MUMMY

YOUNG CONAN

2. WHERE DID THE ALL THE EPISODES OF PHASIC MAGAZINE GO TO? I FOUND NUMBER 5 ONLY, WHERE IS THOSE OTHERS?????/

 

WHAT IS DID CANN OT BE UNDONE

September 2, 2014

IM GOING TO START PLAY ENCOUNTER CRITICLE. I THINK TO ADD:

  • GOBLIN PLAYER PC
  • CHNAGE WOOKY TO WHITE APEMAN
  • CHANGE LIZARD MENS TO DEEP ONES
  • ADD BONE MEN (I SAW SOMEONE A BONE MAN PC DID ONLINE BUT I LOST, WHERE IS IT????
  • SPACE SHIPS
  • DANMATION RASCALS
  • CARCOSA
  • ??????
  • WRESLING RULES
  • IS THERE A BARBRARIAN ?

I GOT THIS DANDD#5 HERE, I DONT WANT TO PLAY BUT I WILL STEAAL SOME

IDEAS, ESPECALY THE BACKGROUNDS.

 

YOU CANNOT TALK ME OUT OF THIS SO DONT EVEN MAKE A TRY OF IT. WHATS DONE IS DONE.

I THINK THE NEW D &D IS SOON COME SOON AND THEIR IS SOME SCAIRT PLAYERS HERE. WHAT IS DEATH? HOW CAN I NOT GET IT? THESE ARE QESTIONS ASK SINCE THE DON OFTIME……………………….WHO HAS THE ANSWERS???!!?!!1?!??

NO ONE HAS THE ANSERS OF DEATH FOR REAL WORLD EXCEPT THE UNDERTAKER AND PAUL BEARER, BUT I THINK I HAVE

THE ANSER OF DEATH FOR THE D & D WORLD, INCLUDING GRAYHAWK AND MSYTARA (BUT NOT KRYNN). THIS IS BECAUE MY PLAYERS HAVE AN EXTRA STAT —

WHERES THE FOOD

D&D PLAY IS A HUNGRY TIME– LOTS OF HOURS AND THE TUMMY MAKES A GRUMBLE, AND WHEN THE TUMMY GRUMBLES THE MOUTH GRUMBLES TO AND ANGRY WORDS COME OUT. THE  DM WORDS ARE USUAL “OOOPS YOU WALK INTO A INVISIBLE CLOUD OF POYSON AND THERE IS NO SAVING THROW, GOODBYE IM GOING TO TACO BELL.” GAME OBVER, BRO. ALL BECAUSE I GOT HUNGRY AND NO ONE HOOKED ME UP.

SO MY PLAYERS NOW TO BRING ME FOOD AND I GRADE THE FOOD AND THAT IS THEIR CHARACTER SCORE OF (W)HERES (T)HE (FOOD. A ROUGH IDEA IS THIS:

FOOD                                                   ABILITY SCORE WTF                                                PREVINT DEATH BONUS

FUNYUNS                                                          0                                                                              FUCK OFF FROM MY FACE

8 OZ. BAG PRETZEL                                        3                                                                               YOU HAVE 1HP AND ARE IMUNE TO HEALING

HOTDOG WITH NO TOPPINGS                    4                                                                          ALL HITS OF YOU ARE CRITICAL

MCDONOLDS                                                    5-8                                                                           IF TARGET IS RANDOM TARGET IS ALWAYS YOU

DEL TACO, OR PIZZA                                 9-12                                                                         NOTHING, TRY HARDER

6+ THINGS FROM AM/PM                         13-16                                                                                      ROLL SAVES TWICE AND TAKE THE WON YOU WANT

PORK PAD SEE YOU OR A BOCKS FULL OF COSTCO STUFF     17                           YOU HAVE ALL TROLL POWERS

LARGE BAG OF TACOBELL HOLDING    18                                                                    10 FATE POINTS LIKE IN WARHAMMER

SO A TIPICAL PLAYER MIGHT BE:

  • STR 17
  • INT 8
  • WIS 13
  • DEX 16
  • DEX 15
  • CHA 17 (HANSOME DEVIL!!!!
  • WTF 4

AT FIRST SITE YOU GO “HMMM THIS GUY IS A TOUGHIE AND SOME FASES IN THE DUNGEON WILL GET STABBED!!!” BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK…….. SOMETHING NOT LOOKS TO GOOD…….. DO…… YOU SEE WHAT I’M AM TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!? THATS RIGHT THIS GUYS WHERES THE FOOD STAT IS TERRIBLE!! THATS LIKE A 7-11 BURRITO OR SOMETHING. IN KEEP ON THE BORTERLAND THIS IS THE GUY HOW FALLS INTO THE KOBOLD PIT AND NEVER COMES BACK OUT.

NOW LET A DEMONSTRASION OF CONTRAST HERE:

  • STR 6
  • INT 7
  • WIS 11
  • DEX 9
  • CON 4
  • CHA 12
  • WTF 18

DOES THESE ROLES OF STATS LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU? IF THEY DUE PROBABLY YOU ROLLED THEN AND SAID “FUCK YOU DICE!!” AND SOME DICE GOT THROWED ACROSSED THE ROOM (I HAVE DESTROYED SEVERAL DICE THIS WAY :( ) BUT WAIT A SECOND…………. A CLOSER LOOK SAYS THIS GUY WILL CUT THREW THE DUNGEON LIKE A TORNADO GUN. WHERES THE FOOD = 18 JACKPOT!!!!! HOMEBOY BROUGHT TACO BELL 12-PAK + BOX OF SLIM JIMS FROM COSTCO + 2 LITRE BUDWEISER CLAMATO!!!!!!! IN KEEP ON THE BORDELAND THIS IS THE GUY WHO UNTES THE THE CAVES OF CHAOS AND BURNS THE KEEP DOWN TO THE GROUND AFTER STEAL ALL THE JEWLES AND TRESURE.

SO IF DEATH MAKES YOU PEEPANTS JUST REMEMEBR………… “HMMM I WILL STOP AT TACO BELL BEFORE THE GAME AND NOW I AM A GOD!!!!1″

THANKYUO FOR BRING ING FAT BURGER EXECUSIONER!!!!

THANKYUO FOR BRING ING FAT BURGER EXECUSIONER!!!!

NO FOOD?? EXECUSIONER YOU WANT OPEN CASKIT OR CLOSE.......??

NO FOOD?? EXECUSIONER YOU WANT OPEN CASKIT OR CLOSE…….??

DOES THIS WROK???!? A LONG TIME GONE WHO KNOWS WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN CYPERSPACE NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM!

OKAY A QUICK CHECK IN TO GET SOME JUISCES FLOWING…………………………… THE THINGS I M WORKING ON TO BRING FOR YOU:

1. BRAWLING RULES — THIS WILL NEVER HAPPIN, THE IDEAS ARE SO MANY AND THE EXECUTION IS TOO STUPID, BUT MAYBE TO WRITE IT HEAR IS TOO MAKE IT HAPPIN SOMEDAY

2. SMALL CARCOSA ADVENTURE — ANOTHER GOOD IDEA BUT CAN IT BE PULLED OFF (IN WORDS)???? I THINK SO, I THINK SO…. PROBABLY (HOPEFLULY) THIS WILL BE THE NEXT THING YOU SEE HERE AND NOT IN A YEAR OR TOO BUT IN A NEXT WEEK.

3. A MESSAGE TO D

AND D NEXT PLAYERS: WELCOME ABORD AND HOPE YOU ENJOY, SOME TIPS FOR PLAYING WITH A LITTLE OLD SCHOOL FLAVER

4. MORE CARCOSA. WHAT THE HELL IS AROUND HERE?!?!? I NEED MORE CARSOCA DONT MAKE ME DO IT ALL MYSELF, THE RESULT IS TOO MUCH SHITTY STUFF AND NOT ENOUHG OF THE GOOD STUFF. IM TALKING TO YOU (REEDER) AND YOU (ANOTHER REEDER) AND YOU (ME). ME???

5. MOVIE REVIEWS. I STOLE A PASSWORD NETFLICKS FROM MY CARE-GIVER AND NOW I HAVE SEEN SOME CRAZY SHIT!!!!!! MY CHANCE TO TALK OF THEM IS HEAR.

6. CONAN

FEELS GOOD TOO TYPE THIS KEYBBORD, LET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

WHY ARE THE DRUIDSS TUPID? IDONT NOW WHEN ITS HAPPENED BUT MAYBE A FEW YEAR S AGO LIKE 1980 OR 1978 OR 19992(THOSE ARE ALL YEARS). I THINK YOU AKS SOMEONE D&D TODAY “HEY HWAT IS A DRUID!?’ AND A ANSER IS EVERY TIME “A SMELLY HIPPY WHO IS SELL GRILLCHEEESE SANWITCHS AND MAKE TINY CRUTCHES FOR A WOUNDED FEILD MOUSE.””

NOW WAIT A GOD-DAM MINITE………….THATS IS NOT MYDRUID!!

HOW ISAHAPPEN??????!? PROLBALY FROM THE DUMB IDEAS OF A PLAYERS HAND BOOK.LETS A LOOK HAVE AT THE STUPID DRUID OR “STUPID.”:

  • RACIALS (PAGE.14): A ½ ELF CAN BE THE TOP GUY. WHO WANTS TOBE A ONE-HALF-ELF?? EVERYONE NOWS A ½ ELF ISTHE DUMBIST RACE OF D&D. WHICH HALF IS ELF —– TOP OR BOTTOM??? A SCRAWNY ELF TOP ON A HUMAN BOTTOM LOOKS RIDI
  1. RIDICOLOUS. A HUMAN TOP ½ ON TINY ELF LEGS WOULDFALL OVER ON ONE FASEPUNCH. ONLY A DRINGUS IS A 1/2ELF. A CENTAR MAKES SENSE BUT A ONE1/2 ELF????????????????????????
  • SHITTY LEVEL NAMES (P.21): A 1ST LVL IS CALL ASPIRIN. A 2 LVL IS CALLED A OVARY. THEN THEY JUST GIVE UPON FIND COOLNAMES. WTF????
  • SHITTY POWERS: A DRUID P(P.21)OWERS ARE SHITTY. AT 3RD LEVELTHEY BECOME ABLE TOIDENTIFY WHAT IS WATER AND ALSO TO WALK THROUGH BUSHES. WHOOPIE-FUCKING-DOO.
  • THESE ARE SPELLS??: (P. ): WHEN THE DRUIDCASTSA SPELL USUALLY THE MAGICLE EFFECT IS LAUGHING AT THE SHITTY SPELL IS CAST. FARRY FIRE? LOCATE AMINAL? WHEN THEY IS TURN 6TH LEVEL THEY GET THE SPELL PRODUCE FIRE WHICH DOES……………….1D4 HP DAMAGE????!?

NO OFFENCING MY FEMALE LISTINERS,BUT THAT DRUID IS A PUSSY. I WANT TO PLAY A SHITKICKER ,NOT A PRIESTESSOF SHALLYA. MY DRUIDS BURN DOWN CAR DEALERSHIPS AND DESTROY ENTIRE FORREST JUST TO REVENGE ONE POACHER. I DONT HAVE ANY RULES YET BUT THESE ARE MY IDEA OF DRUIDS:

JEREMIAH JOHNSON. NO EXPLINATION NEED.

S

RAMBO. FROM RAMBO FIRST MOVIE. MAKE SPEAR FROM TREE BRANCH? DONE. MAKE KNIFEFROM SHARP STONE? CHECK. MAKE BOMB FROM PINECONE? NOT A PROBLEM. GET THE FUCK OUT MY OF FORREST.

THE GOOD KIND OF P IVY

POISON IVY. A HOT CHICK IS NEEDED. THIS HOT CHICK JUST HAPPINS TO BE MADE OF PLANTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, BABY.

TEARS OF DEATH

CRYING INDIAN GUY. THEY THREW MCDONALDS ON HIS FORREST AND NOW THEY MUST [PAY. THE CRY WILL BE SHORT, THE SCREAMS OF THEY DEATH WILL LINGER.

FIGHT CLUB GUYS. THE ONE THING ISCOOLFROM D&D DRUID IS YOU DONT GET A FREE PASS TO BE THE TOP GUY, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT CLUB THE LEADER. “EVERYONE GET IN A CIRCLE THERE IS A ARCHDRUID CHALLENGE!!!’ I THINK THEY SHOULD BE TIE TOGETHER AT THE WRIST AND NAKED (NUDE OF CLOTHS) AND HAVE ONLY A SHARD OF ANTLER FOR A WEAPON AND THEN IT’S TO THE DEATH. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!! AND THE CIRCLE CHEERS THE WINNER GUY AND THEN THEY EAT THE LOSER.

NO PRISONER

LEANNE NEESON. NO EXPLINATION NEED.

I THINK PROBALY THIS MEAN FORME MAKE ANEW CLASS OF D&D DRUID, I WILL WORKED ON IT.

CARCOSA RACES: DOLM

August 6, 2012

(I DONT KNOW WHAT DOLM LOOKS LIKE SO HERE IS A DRAW OF CONAN). DOLM DUDES WANDER THE PLACE TRY TO PEACE TOGETHERT HE LOST LEARNING AND REUBUILT A CIVILAZATION OF GOOD. THEY KNOW A LOT OF EVERYTHING AND THEY ARE PEACEFUL PEOPLE WHICH MEANS THEY GET A PASS FROM MOST EVERY ONE ELSE, EXCEPT FOR TOTAL DICKS. AND MOST SORCERERS LOVE TO FUCK WITH THEM.

QUALIFY: LAWFUL ALIGN, 12 INT, 12 WIS

XP                                         LEVEL                                        HD

0                                           1 NERD                                        1

1700                                  2 BOOKWORM                           2

3200                                  3 [POLLYANNA                       2+1

6800                                  4 MARTAR                                 3

12000                                5 DOGOODER                             4

24000                               6 HELPER                                   4+1

48000                               7 PROGRESIVE                         5

90000                               8 KINDA ANNOYING            6

180000                            9 LEIBOWITS                              6+1

SAVES: LIKE A CLERIC

STRICTIONS: NO HEAVY ARMOR, GOOD ATITUDE ALL THE TIME

EACH EVENS LEVEL OF YOU GET A NEW POWER YOU MAY CHOOSE:

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTRPLACE: EVERY TIME YOU VISIT A NEW COMMUNITY FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING BETTER ON A 1D10 ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL: FIX THE WATER SO YOU DONT SHIT POOP OUT YOUR BUTT NON-STOP FROM DRINKING, TEACH CROP ROTAITION, LEARN THEM HOW TO PRESERVE JAMS & JELLIES, OR WHATEVER. THIS MAKES YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS PRETTY POPULAR WITH THOSE FOLKS, AND THEN YOU AND YOUR DM FIGURE OUT HOW THAT WORKS IN THE GAME. IF YOU FALE YOUR ROLL AND CAN NOT HELP ERVREYBODY IS ALL “THANKS FOR NOTHING??!” AND SOME SNOTTY LOOKS ARE FOR YOU.

WORLSD TRAVELLER: GET A NEW LANGUAGE. CHOSE MORE T HAN ONCE.

FRENDLY: +1 CHA BECAUSE YOU RELATE TO OTHER PERSPRECTIVES. TAKE IT AGAIN IF YOU WANT, FRENDLY PERSON!

NEVER SICK: GOOD HIGENES + SMART GUY DOCTOR KNOWHOW MEANS NO SICKIES FOR YOU!! EVEN GOOD VS. MUMMYSHITS AND DISEASED GUARDIEN PUKING.

CARCOSA CLERIC: TEND TO SOMEONE IF THEY ARE RESTING AND EACH DAY THEY HEAL 1HD EACH DAY YOU ROLL UNDER LEVEL ON 1D10. CAN ONLY HEAL 2HD PER WEEK PER BUDDY THIS WAY. YOU DON’T GET NO REST WHILE YOU DO THIS, SO NO HEALS FOR YOU. AND YOU SHOULD FIND THE PORPER SUPPLIES TO DO (SMELLY WEEDS, CLEAN WATER, CLAP HANDS AND RUB FAST LIKE MIYAGI, SOME MORE.)

A NEW WORLD: START A SETTALMENT AT LEVEL 6 IF YOU WANT. ATTRACT 1D6 NICE PEOPLE PER CHA POINT, ALL COLORS OF THE RAINBOW CO-ALITION FLOCKT TO YOUR COMMMNUNITY: ADD ANOTHER 1D12 PEEPS IF YOU ALOW GAYS FOR MARRYING: LOOK AT THE PORFESSION LIST FROM ANY FANTASY GAME AND CHOOSE 1D6 HELPFUL ONES, EVERYONES ELSE IS JUST A MUSHROOM FARMER, PUDDING HERDER, OR SCRAP COLLECTER. WORK THE REST OUT WITH DM, A GOOD HOMEBASE?TRY TO MAKE A NEW WOLDR.THE DOWNSIDE: THESE PLACES ARE A ASSHOLE MAGNET, YOUR HAPPY PLACE IN #1 ON THE LIST FOR TOTAL DICKS TO BEGIN THE CAMPAINE OF BLOODSHED, SO HIRE SOME MERCS OR HAVE SOME GUNS READY.

DR DOOLITLE: YOU TOOKED PITY ON A LITTLE INJURED SPAWN OF SHUB-ZIGGURAT, YOUR TENDER HEALING TURNED IT FROM BAD TO GOOD. NOW ITS YOUR PET. GENERATE RANDOM EXCEPT ITS SMALL, ONLY 1D3HD. BETTER NOT LET THE TOWNIES SEE IT, THEY WO’NT UNDERSTAND………….

STUDY BRAKE: IN YOUR TRAVELS YOU HAVE LEARNT OF SECRET PLACES FROM TOMES OF KNOWING: ROLL A RANDOM CITADEAL ON THE CARCOSA MAP, YOU KNOW HOW TO GET IN SECRET IN THERE.

GOOD KARMA: YOU HELPED SOMEONS LITTLE SIS/TER OUT OF

A TOUGH SCRAPE, THE PAYBACK IS THE FAMILY WANTS TO HELP YOU BACK. ROLL A RANDOM VILLAGE ON THE CARCOSA MAP, THAT VILLAGE WILL DOSOM E COOL STUFF FOR YOU.

EAR TO THEFLOOR: YOU GET THE BEST RUMERS, ON THE ADVENTURE BUST OUT ONE BONUS: KEY TO A LOCK DOOR, GET A AMBUSH ON A WANDERING MONSTER, FIND THE NEXT SECRET DOOR, GET A FREND REACTION FROM SOME HOSTILES, OR FIGURE OUT SOME MORE.

TEACHER: YOU ATTRAC A YOUNG SAGE-IN-TRAINING, JUST KEEP HER FED AND SHE HELPS OUT CARRY STUFF, ONE AREA OF EXPERTISSE, UNLIKLY CURAGE WHEN NEEDED MOST.

ARCADE KNOWLIDGE: YOU NOW SOME WEIRD SHIT. STUN 1D ROUNDS A GREAT RACE, PRIMONIAL ONE, OR SPACE ALIEN WITH YOUR UNEXPECTED NOWHOW (A HUMAN KNOWS THIS WTF??????!!??!? IS THE REACTION, THEN A QUIETTIME TO THINK “HOW IS THIS SO??’). WORKS ONLY ONE TIME ON A TARGITS, NOT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ANDOVER & OVER AN

D OVER………………………… AND OVER AND OVER…………………

CARCOSA RACE IS CLASS

August 5, 2012

A LONGTIME GONE, NO THANKYOU TO YOU ORANGE COUNTRY SHERRIF DEPT.!!!!! BUT A GOOD TIME TO THINK, BREW BOOZE IN TOILET, AND SOME CARCOSA ISDEAS. ONLY TWO CLASSES????!?!?1…….. NO WAY GIMME MORE!!!! SO NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE FIGHTMAN OR SORCERER, GO FOR IT ANY COLOR CAN BE FINE. BUT ALSO EVERY COLOR RACE IS A CLASS AND HEAR ARE MY FIRST TWO:

PRETENT HE IS ORANGE………………….

ORANGEMENS ARE LORDS OF THE DINOSAUR, LIKE IRISH IS LORDS OF THE DANCE. THEY GROW, HUNT, TRANE, KILL, MAKE FRENDS WITH DONOSAUR LIKE IT NO PROBLEM. YOU GOT A DINSAR PROBLEM, ASK THESE DUDES (AND CHICKS TOHELP).

QUALIFY: STR 13+

XP                          LEVEL                                              HD

0                             1 DINOHELPER                             1+1

2500                     2 EGGSITTER                                 2

5000                    3 THUGASAURUS                        3+1

10000                  4 HOORIDER                                 4

2000 0                5 OG                                                   5+1

40,000               6 DINORAUDER                           6

80000                 7 SHOTCALLA                             7+1

150000              8 MACKDADDY                            8+2

300000              9 T-WRECKS N EFFECTER      9+3

EVERY NEXT LEVEL JUST DOUBLE THAT SHIT………………………..

SAVING THORWS: LIKE A FIGHTERMAN

SPECIAL ABILITIES AT LVL. 1: TOUGH SKIN IS AC-1, TRACK DINOS LIKE A RANGER, RANGER SURVIVLE SKILLS (IF YOU DONT HAVE RANGERS, MAKE STUFF UP)

EVERY 2 LEVELS (2,4,6 8, 10…… 14, 15, 16, 18……THE REST) PICK A COOL POWER:

RAGE OF THE LIZARD KING: YOU UN-ARMED ATTACK AT 2 PER ROUND 1D6 EACH. CALL SOME COOL HITS: HEADBUTT, DICKKICK, TOOTH STAB, WHATEVS. BUT ON A HIT ROLL=1, YOU TAKE 1D6 CAUSE YOU PUNCHED/KICKED WRONG.

MONSRTER TAMER: SPECIAL WRAPPER WITH THE DEADLIEST CATCHES: T-REX, GODZILLA, VELOWRAPTER, ANYTHING KNOWN AS KILLER LIZARD. +10% TO CALM AND CAPTUER……. I DIDN’T HAVE DINOSAUR CALM & CAPTURE RULES YET, SO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL THIS MEANS ON YOUROWN. YOU CAN TAKE THESE TAMEING ONES MORE THAN ONCE.

SQWAWKKK!!!: CALL A TERRODACTAL NOISE, IF ONE IS NEARBY IT WILL COME AND YOU LEVEL X5% IS THE PERCENT CHANCE YOU CAN RIDE IT TO ONE PLACE FOR A DROP OFF (GIVE A GOOD TIP AND YOU GET +5% TO NEXT TRY). SUCH A SQWAAAWKK HURTS THE THROAT, ONE PER WEEK ONLY.

BIG GUYS LIKE YOU: BRONTOSARS, DIPLO-DOCTUS, ALL THE BIG ONES LIKE YOU +1-0% CALM-CAPTURE. GOOD FOR LONG RIDES, PULL HEVY STUFF, IMPRESS GIRLS.

INDIAN RUNNER: NEVER TIRE FROM THE HUNT. DOUBLE MOVE RATE WILDERNESS IF NO ARMOR, NOT ENCUMBER, AND ALONE OR OLNY WITH OTHER ORNAGES WITH THIS POWER.

QUEER EYE: NOW HOW TO MAKE DINO SADDLES, GOGGLES, WHIP, DINORIDER OUTFITS, ACSESSERIES, BOOTS, ALL FABULOUS (COLORS OF THE RAINBOW). SELL FOR GOOD MONEY.

HARD ASS: STR+1, YOU WANT TO TAKE IT A BUNCH OF TIMES FINE I DONT CARE.

WEERDO MAGNET: +10% CALM AND CAPTURE THE WEIRD DINOSUARS LIKE ANKLESAURUS, STEGOTOPS, TRICERTOPS, DUCKFACE, THAT OTHER ONE, SOME OTHERS. ALL THE CREEPY LOOK ONES.

SAVIGE ROAR: ROAR LIKE DINO, STUN ENEMIE IN 30′ IF THEY FAIL SAFE VS. SPELLS AND YOUR LEVEL MINUS THEIR LEVEL IS THE MODIFLIER.

KITERUNNER: +10% TAME FLYING DINOS, YOU KNOW WAHT TO DO WITH THE REST. TAKE ANY TAMEING ONE AS MUCH AS WANT.

LOVE DOES NOT COMPUTE

BLACKMEN ARE THE ROBOTPOEPLE OF CARCOSA. THEY CAN SURPRESED THERE HUMANITY SIDE, PERFORM MATH GOOD, AND NO EMOSHUNS. THE RULER OF THEM: A COPUTER INTELLIGENTS DEEP INSIDE THE PLANET – EVERY BLACKMANS VILLAGE HAS A SPECIAL COMM-UNI-CATORER THAT LINKS THEM TO THIS INTELLIGENTS AND GIVES ADVISE, TELLS SECRETS, AND MAKES PLANS. BUT THE COMPUTER DOES NOT GIVE THEM TECHNOS MUCH, IT TELLS THEM GHOW TO LIVE IN HARMINY WITH WORLD LIKE NO-EMOSHUN HIPPIES OR SOMETHING……………….WHAT KIND OF COMPUTER IS THIS????!??!

QUALIFY: ANYBODY

XP                                                            LEVEL                                                   HD

0                                                               1 FLOPPY DISK                                  1

2200                                                       2 PROTOCOL DROIT                        2

4400                                                       3 TWEEKEY                                        3

8800                                                       4 ROBO-BRO                                       4

170,00                                                   5 PROGRAMMER                            5

34000                                                     6 ANDROID                                      6

68000                                                     7 DIGITEER                                     7

120000                                                  8 BORG                                                8

240000                                                 9 MEGABYTER                               9

AND DOUBLE, AND DOUBLE, AND DOUBLE……………………………. (WITH +1 HP EACH TIME)

SAVE LIKE: THIEF

SPECIAL ABILITIES: START W/ 2 EXTAR LANGUAGES, +1″ MOVE, START ONE ITEM OF NOT-WEAPON TECH (10′ TITANIUM POLE, IPOD, RAD SENSER, OR ANOTHER)

PICK A CANDY PIECE EVERY EVEN-NUMBER LEVEL YOU GET:

ASPECT OF MASHINE: YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF COMPLETELY NON-HUMAN IN NATURE, ANALICTICAL LIKE A MASHINE. INSANITY, LOGIC, & FEAR DO NOT EFFECT YOU. IF A SORCERAR USE YOUINA RITUAL IT FAILS AND THE SORCERER IS FUCKED AND YOU GET AWAY SCOT FREE AND ARE ALLOWED A SINGLE SATISFIED CHUCKEL, THEN BACK TO POKER FACE MR. SPOCK.

ROBOT WISPERER: IS A ROBOT A DICK TO YU? START TALKING AT IT AND ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL ON 1D10 AND IF THAT WORKS YOU CONVINTS IT TO GET WITH YOUR PROGRAM (LIKE CHARMMO NSTER FOR 1D100 ROUNDS). IF YOU CAN GET IT TO A BLACKMANS VILLAGE TO TALK TO YOUR COMPUTER GOD WITHIN 2D4 DAYS, THE AFFECT IS PERMANINT AND NOW HE IS YOUR BUDDY THICK & THIN.

WISDOM OF AGES: +1 WIS, BECAUSE TO LIVE IN HARMINY WITH THE PLANET IS THE BEST WAY TO GO. PICK THIS AS MANY TIMES AS WANT.

DOT HE ROBOT: MAKE PANTIES/LOINCLOUTS DROP. TARGET GETS SAVE V. SPELLS YOUR LEVEL IS NEGATIVE MODFIDIER.

RIDDLER: IN A SITUATION OF TALKING (NEGOTIASHIN, INTERAGASHIN…..) YOU CAN MAKE A CLEVER RIDDLE THAT TRICKS PEOPLE TO HELP YOU. BUT YOU HAVE TO SAY IT OUTLOUD TO THE DM FOR IT TO WORK. DM NPC: “WE WILL NOT GIVE YOUTHE SPACE ALIEN GUN… WE WANT IT.” YOU: “ARE YOU SURE? ISN’T A GUN LIKE 10000 SPOONS WHEN ALL YOU NEED IS A KNIVE… /RAISE EYEBROW/” DM NCP: “I…… HMMMMM… MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT, WE WILL TRADE FOR GOLD!” YOU: “THAT IS MOST LOGICLE.”

TALK TO THE ANIMALS: YOU CAN TALK A LITTLE TO UNINTELIGENT SPAWN OF SHUBIGGURATH. DOESN’T MAKE YOU AUTOMATIC FRENDS, SO A GOOD IDEA IS TOTALK FROM FAR AWAY IS POSSIBLE.

HIPPIE MAGIC: YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SIMPLE HEAL BALM, GROW GOOD WEED, TURN A TOWEL INTO CLOTHES OR A HAMMICK (GET HEALING SLEEP EVEN IN A SHITTY PLACE), SELL GRILLCHEESE SANDWICHES FOR SMALL PROFIT, AND 2X MOVE RATE WHEN CHASED BY COPS.

GEOMITRY HIDER: KNOWS HOW TOO MAKE MANY-ANGLED SHAPES THAT DEFY PROCEPTION. WITH GOODER SUPPLIES (TIN FOIL, ROPE, A HAT, MIRRORS, ECT…) CAN CREATE HIDEY PLACE THAT BLENDS INTO SURROUND. TAKES ONE HOUR TO CREATE PER PERSON TO FIT IN SIDE, GETS ALL BUSTED UP TO SHIT WHEN YOU COME UP OUT OF THERE.

SAD STORY: CAN EXPLAIN LOVE PERFECTLY BUT CANNT FEEL IT. TELL THIS TO A GROUP OF PEOPLE AND YOUR LEVEL X5 IS THE PERCENT CHANCE THEY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP OR MAYBE STUFF.

RAINMAN: SUPER COUNTER-FASTER. COINS, TOOTHPICTS, SANDS ON A BEACH, SUCKERS ON A TENTICLE, YOU NOW HOW MANY INSTANT LEE. FIGURE OUT A WAY OF MAKE THIS POWERR!!!

SOME MORE RACES TO COMING SOON!!!!!!!!1

I WRITED THIS UP FOR A WHALE AGO BUT HEAR IT IS NOW……………………………………..A CARICTAR CLASS FOR D&D GAMES::

THE CALM BEFROE THE EYE OF THE HURRICAINT

THE BARBARIA

N

WE KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM—–PARTS UNKNOWN OR “BEYOND THE RIVER” OR A SAVAGE LAND OF FAR AWAY.

THE 1ST THING TO KNOW OF A BRABARIAN IS THEY HAVE NO ALINEMENT. A BARBARIAN HAS ONLY TWO SETTING: “HATE” AND “OKAY FOR NOW”. THE BARBARIAN HATES 99.999999999999999999999999999999% PERCENT OF STUFF, AND THE REST OF ITALL IS OKAY FOR NOW, BUT CHECK AGAIN IN A LITTELW HILE AND HE MIGHT HATE IT.

RANDOM BARBARIAN REACTION TABLE (1D100): ROLL FOR WHEN YOUWANT TO NOW WHAT HE IS THINKING:

1-22 HATE

23 OKAY FOR NOW

24-100 HATE

MOST BARBARIANS ARE DUDES- A GIRL CAN BE A BARBARIAIN AS LONG AS SHE HAS A PENUS. THEY ARE ALL HUMANS.

CLASS REQIREMENTS: 16STR, LESS THAN 9 FOR INT & WISDOM, 16CON

HIT DICE: 1D12

MAX LEVEL: FOREVER

XP   LEVEL  TITLE   HD

0        1      SAVIGE 1D12

3000   2      BRUTE 2D12

6000   3     MEAN SONOFABITCH 3D12

12000 4 BASTARD PRICK 4D12

25000 5 FASESTABBER 5D12

5000   6 BLOODBATHER 6

120000 7 APOCALYPTO 7D12

250000 8 PRINSE OF DESTRUCTION 8D12

450000 9 INSANE 9D12

650000 10 BARBARIAN KING 10D12

AFTER THIS JUST DOUBEL EVERYTHING, SO 11 LEVEL TAKES 1300000 POINTSXP AND IS CALLED A DOUBEL SAVIGE BUT THE HP ONLY GETS +3

SAVING THROWS

BREATHING POISON/DEATH PARA. WAND SPELLS

LVL.1-3 13           10                 14       13       18

4-6         11           8                  12       11       14

7-9         9             6                 10         9        10

10+        2             2                   2           2        3

GETOUT OF HEAR HOGAN THIS IS BARABARIANS ONLY!!!!!!1

SPECIAL ABILITYIES

KILLERS: ALL BARABRAIANS GET +1TOHIT/+1DAMAGE NO MATTER WHAT, PLUS THERE ANY OTHER BONUS – IF YOU ROLL A 20 TO HIT, ROLL 1D20 AGAIN AND IG YOU ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL THE FACE IS STABBED AND DEATH IS INSTANT

LOINCLOTH OR FUR SHORTS IS ALL YOU NEED: NEVER HAVE A PROBELM WITH COLD OR HOT DAYS, DONT SUFFER DAMAGE FROM THE ENVIRONMENT AS LONG AS YOU WEAR YOUR LOINCLOTH……MAGTIC COLD IS A DIFFERENT STORY

CIVILIZED IS FOR DORKS: BARBARIANS NEVER BUY SHIT AND SMART PEPLE WOULD NOT EVEN LET THEM IN THE STORE. YOU KEEP STUFF YOU STEAL OR FROM DICKS YOU KILL, BUT NEVER A SHOPPING TRIP. BOOZE OR FOOD OR SEXTIME IS THE EXCEPT, FROM A BAR OR HOORHOUSE.

NO MAGIC: DONT USE IT, OR POTIONS, OR EVEN LET SOME DICK CAST A FRIEND ON YOU EVEN IF HE IS A SPELL. NO MAGIC WEAPONS EVEN.

DONT NEED MAGIC: OH, TOUGH GUY UNDEAD-DEMON, HOW TO HIT IT WITH NO MAGIC? A SIMPLE PUNCH IN THE GOD-DAMN FACE WILL DO! BARBARIAN FISTS ARE AS GOOD AS MAGIC AND DO NORMAL DAMAGE. PUNCH A GHOST? HOW???!???!!1 WITH THE FIST, SAYS A BRABARIAN!!!!!!!!

DONT GET ALONG WITH CLERICS: YOU WILL JUST ARGUE ALL THE TIME ABOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT, AND THEN IT ENDS WITH VIOLENCE

LEVELIGN UP: IT TAKES A SOMETHING EXTRA AS THE BARBAR LEARNS HIS WAY AROUND THE WORLD, SO DO THIS THINGS BEFORE YOU CAN MAEKTHE NEW L

EVEL:

BEFORE 2ND – KILL SOMEONE WITH BEAR HANDS

BEFROE 3RD – TAKE ON ENTIRE BAR IN BRAWL (AND WIN!!!)

BEFORE 4 – MAKE A NEW LOINCLOTH FROM FUR OF MONSTER AT LEAST 8HD (THE OLD ONE IS SUPER SMELLY!!)

BEFORE 5TH – BURN DOWN WHOLE VILLIGE

BEFORE 6TH – STEAL A GEM WORTH AT LEAST 50000GP, THEN LOSE IT LIKE A DOPE

BEFORE 7TH – BONE A QUEEN & THE KING FINDS OUT!!!!!

8TH – SMACK AROUND A GOD

BEFORE 9TH – MAKE A BIG PIRAMID FROM HEADS

BFORE 10 – CONKER A CITY

LEVEL POWERS

LEVEL TWO

DRUNK: BOTTLES OF BOOZE ACT AS HEALING POTIONS……. BUT YOU ALSO GET DRUNK SO NOT TOOO MUCH!!!!1

LEVEL THREE

YOU CAN USE ANY MAGIC AXE

LEVEL 4

SOME THIEF ABILITIES: MOVE QUIET, CLIMB STUFF, HIDE IN SHADOWS LIKE THIEF OF SAME LEVEL (BUT YOU NEVER HIDE IN SHADOWS TO LISEN TO A CONVERSATION OR MOVE QUIET TO SNEEK BYSO MEONE, ONLY TO PEEP ON CHICKS OR LAUNCH A CHOP-HEAD ATTACK.

LEVEL FIVE

YOU GET A FOLLOWER, ROLL ON THIS TABLE 1D12:

1-3 NERD: HE IS THE OPOSITE IN MANY WAYS OF YOU, AND HE TALKSLI KE A FAG AND HIS SHITS ALL RETARTED, BUT HE IS OKAY FOR NOW

4 – 6 SEXY CHICK: MAYBE GOOD WITH A BOW OR SOMETHING, CAREFUL THE HOT ONES ARETRICKERS!

7-9 LOSE CANNON WIZARD: ALWAYS DRUNK 75% OF TIME

10-12 ORNERY CRITTER: GOOD IN A FIGHT BUT EATS ALLOT AND WILL PEE ON YOU TO COMIC AFFECT

LEVEL 6

DONT HAVE TIME TO DIE: WHENEVER YOU GO TO 0 HP, SAVE VS. DEATH AND IF IT WORKS YOU GET HALF YOUR FULL HIT POINTS BACK- IF IT DOESNT WORK, YOU JUST DIED :(

LEVEL 7

WOLVERINE: YOU HEAL 4X FAST AS ANYONE (BUT CHOPPED OFF STUFF

DOES NOT GROWBACK………..OR MAYB EIT DOES????!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!1?!???!)

LEVEL 8

YOU CAN USE ANY MAGIC AXE, SPEAR, OR 2-HAND SWORD UNLES IT HAS STUPID POWERS LIKE LIGHT 10FEET RADIUM OR FIND SECRET DOORS OR STUFFF

LEVEL 9

TINY ITEM: A SAMLL THING YOU FIND AFTER KILLING A MILLION OR SO PEOPLE MAKES YOU CONSIDER IF THTHE BLOOD IS WORTH IT. IT IS A GIRL’S STUFFED DOLL, OR A TINY MUSIC BOX THAT PLAYS A SAD TOON, OR A TINY SHOE FOR A BABY THAT HAS THE FOOT STUCK INSI DE.TO LOOK AT IT YOU THINK “HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE, ALL THE DEADS! THEY ARE ALL OF THEM LOST LIKE SOME TEARS IN THE RAIN………………….” THIS IS YOUR PRESHIOUS. IF ANY ONE TAKES IT YOU MUST TRACK THEM DOWN AND WHEN IT IS TIME TO FIGHT DOUBLE YOUR HIT POINTS AND STR BONUSES. IF IT EVER GETS DEST-ROYED FOR GOOD, YOU WILL EMBARK ON A MISSION OF SUICIDE AFTER YOU KILL THE HOLE WORLD FIRST.

LEVEL 10

KING OF BARBSARIANS……………… ASSEMBLE YOUR HOARD!!!!

CONAN GOES WITHOUT SAY AS THE BEST BARBARIAN, BUT CAN WE HAVE A CONSIDER OF OTHERS? I WOULD SAY ULTIMITE WARRIOR IS A GOOD BARBARIAN. RAMBO IS TO A GOOD BARBRAINIAN. AND ATILA THE HUND.

THE KID FROM THE CARTOON WITH THE UINIOCORN BUDDY WAS THE WORST BARBARIAN EVER AND SHOULS BE KILLED ON SITE.

THATS IT! NOW MAKE A BARABRIAN…………AND..

FIGHT!!!!!!!

IM SURROUND BY DETH.......... BLOOD F ORTHE BLOODGOD

I DONT NOW WHAT IS THE HELL WRONG WITH MAKE OFCOMMENTS ON WORDPRESS BUT SHIT IS WACK……………MAYBE I AHVE TO MANY ACCOWNTS OR IS A NEW COMPUTER OF BLAME!???!? ITS GETTIN TO BE REGODDAMDICULUS.

THE CARCOSA ADVENTURE IS GROW VERY BIG AND HERE IT IS THE LATEST PART:

http://monstroustelevision.blogspot.com/2012/03/new-internet-game.html

THANK ZAK SABBIT FOR GET THE BALL WROLLING, DYSON LOGOS FOR THE KILLER MAP, AND BAZ BLATTS+IAN JOHNSON FOR KEEPING IT WITH NEW I-DEAS.

 

A TRY OF MAP

March 8, 2012

ZAK SABBITH MAKE STHESE NEW MAPS I LIKE SO A TRY IS FOR ME TO. HERE IS THE TRY OF ME:

WEL=COME TO THE TERRORDROME

NEED ITS SOME WORK BUT A OK 1ST TIME. I THIKN THIS IS INCARCOSA

(GREEN CLONE SORCERS) , MAYBE A STAT UP COMES LATER? OR MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE CAN STATUP? WONDERTEAM POWERS…………………….. ACTIMATE!!!!!

 

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