A CARCOSA AVDENTURE FOR YOU

February 17, 2012

HERE IS A CARCOSA I MADE. IT IS FOR THE MAP FROM DYSON LOGOS, WHO MAKES THE AWESOMEST MAPS OFALL.

YOUR MISSHIN: KILL THESE GODDAMS BEFORE THEY SUMMON THE AMFIBIOUS ONES. THE SORCEROR IS READY TO ROCK, JUST WAITING FOR SOME FOG AT NIGHT. MAYBE THE PCS ARE HIRED BY AFRAID VILLAGERS, OR THEY CATCH A JALE GUY WHO RAN AWAY, OR SOMETHING TO TELL THEM THAT A

RIUTUAL IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. WHATEVER, JUST GET THEM OVER THEIR AND TELL THEM TO HURRY THE FUCK UP AND SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU WANT TO PUT SOME URGENT ON IT, THEN SAY TONIGHT WILL BE A FOG NIGHT, OR SOME NIGHT IN 1-4 NIGHTS.

THANK YOU DYSON!!!1

THIS IS A SMALL LAIRE SO BIG FIGHT NOISE FROM ONE AREA (#1-5) WILL ALERT ALL THE OTHERS AREA, UNLESS YOU DO A REAL SNEEK TAKEDOWN.

ALSO THE AC IS DESCENTING BECAUSE IN AMERICA YOU’ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU CAN PRY MY DESCENTING AC FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS (BUT I HOPE IT SOENS’T COME TO THAT!!!!

1) ASSHOLETREE. JUST LOOKS LIKE A DEAD TREE BUT THE JOKES IS ON YOU! SPAWN OF SHUBNIGURATH (MV NONE, AC 8 BARK, HD 15, SPECIAL ATT., AL C). SLEEPS IN DAY, ONLY TIME OF FOR DANGER IS NIGHT. IF ANYONE GOES UNDER THE TREE TO SLEEP OR PISS OR SPY OR JUST WHATEVER, ROOTS COME OUT FROM GROUND AND A GRAB -ATTACK IS HAPPEN! ON 6D6 ROLL EACH ROUND – UNDER STR 3X IN ROW AND YOU BREAK FREE, ROLL OVER 3X IN ROW AND YOU ARE SUCKED UNDER THE DIRT (INSTADEATH!), ANYTHING ELSE AND YOU JUST STUCK IN A WRESSLE. FRENDS WHO HELP MIGHT GET A GRAB-ATTACKT TO – THE ASSHOLETREE MAY SPREAD ITS GRABBER ROOTS AROUND, LIKE 2D6 AGAINST ONE GUY AND 4D6 AGAINST A NOTHER, OR 2D6 ON ONE AND 3D6 ON OTHER AND 1D6 FOR SOMEONE ONE OTHER ATTACK, ETERCETERA……..ETC…….. (THE TREE LIKES TO GRAB LOTS OF PEOPLE SO DON’T BE A DICK DM AND GIVE ALL 6D6 ON ONE DUDE IF MORE PCS ARE THEIR). ANYONE NOT GETTING ROOT-FONDLED CAN ATTACK (ONLY CHOPPER WEPONS DO DAMAGE. NO TRESURE HEAR, JUST A SHITTY ATITUDE TREE.

2. ROMPUS ROOM. 8 JALE CULTERS (AC 8, MV 12, HD 1, AC 8 HEVY ROBES, 1 ATTACK WITH A KNIFE OR CLUB, AL C) DICK AROUND IN HEAR NOT DOING MUCH. 55% CHANCE DURING A DAY ONE OFTHEM PAYS ATTENTION OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO SEE INTRADERS, 13% CHANCE AT NIGHT. THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT THE TREE SO IF THEY SEE IT EATING SOME-ONE THEY WILL IF A TREE EATED SOME-ONE THEY WILL FREAK OUT (A MONSTER-TREE????? I DID NOT SINE-UP FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11) AND COWARD IN THE ROOM. FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES. EACH GUY HAD 4-16SP + 0-5GP TRESURES.

2A) BACKDOOR BERNIES. 2 JALE CULTERS (MV 12, AC 9 SHITTY CLOSE, HD 1, 1 ATTACK SLING OR KNIVE, AL N) LOOK OUT THE BACK WAY. THEY ARE SCARED SHITLESSS AND ALWAYS ALERT 80% OF THE TIME. ALSO THEY ARE NOT CONVINCE THAT RAPING GIRLS AND HANG-OUT WITH MONSTERS IS A COOL; IDEA, SO IF IF THE PCS LOOK ALL BUFF THEY WILL SWICH SIDES AND JOIN AS HENTCHMEN AND FIGHT HARD TO MAKE THINGSR IGHT.NO TRESURE FOR THESE GUYS, THEY JUST PAYED THEIR CULT DO’S.

3) SHITSTORM. THIS IS WHER THE TOUGHGUY CULTERS HANG OUT. 4 JALE CULT THUGS (MV 12, AC 7 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 2+1, 2 ATTACKS EACH WITH A CRAZY LOOKING SICKEL OR CURVY SWORD OR SOMETHIN-G IN EACH HAND, AL C, CAUSE FEER UNLESS SAVE VS. SPELLS FOR ANYONE WITH LOWER HD) GO FUCKING CRAZY AT THE CHANCE TO FIGHT. IMMUNE TO ANY MIND GAMES THAT CAUSE THEM NOT TO FIGHT, DONT BOTHER MORALE. ORANGE WARPAIINT IN SWURLS & SIMBOLS, HOOT AND HOLLAR, DO CARTWEELS AND FLIPS TO CHOP YOU UP. NO TRESURE, THESE FUCKERS ARE IN IT FOR THE MURDERRAPEING

THERES ALSO A FIRE WITH SOME TASTY LIZARD MEAT GRILLING UP ON STICKS (EAT A HOT FOOD MEAL EACHDAY HEALS EXTRA 1HP PER DAY).

THE STARES GO DOWNSTARES 20′ THEN END IN A GIANT METAL DOOR OF HI-TECHNOLOGY. THEIR IS A PALM LOCK THAT OPENS FOR A SPACE ALIEN HAND (EVEN A DECAPATAINTED ONE) OTHER WISE YOU NEED EXPLOSIONS OR LOTS OF DINOSARS TO OPEN THIS BABY UP. INSIDE………………….IS UP TO YOU, DM!!!!!!!!!!!11 MAYBE A WAY OFF CARCOSA IF THE PCS ARE JUST VISIT FROM ANOTHER CAMPAINE, MAYBE SPACE ALIEN GOODIES, OR MUMMY BRAINS OR SOMETHING……….THE IMAGANATION IS YOUR LIMIT (IE. NO LIMIT).

3A) BOSS ROOM. HERE WE GO, THE MAIN EVENT!!! IN THIS CORNER IS A REAL PRICK, ‘THE MEGATOLLAH OF MAYHAM’ JALE 4TH LEVEL SORCER (MV 9, AC 4 CHAIN+HEVY ROBES, HD4, ATTACK PIRATE SWORD OR SPECIAL, AL C). HE WARES A CREEPY SNAKE-MAN FILTER OVER MOUTH THAT AMPERFIES HIS SHOUT TO DEADLY SOUND LEVEL! WHEN HE YELLS A CONE BLASTS OUT 2D DAMAGE TO 20′, 1D TO 40′, FARTHER AWAY THEN THAT ALL IT DOES IS PISS YOU OFF IF YOU HAVE A HANG OVER. HE CAN BUST SHIT LIKE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS IF HE STANDING REAL LYCLOSE. WHEN HE MAKES A SHOUT IT TAKES 3 ROUNDS TO RECHARGE FOR ANOTHER ONE. IF THE PCS END UP WITH THIS THING, MAKE IT A 5% CHANCE PER USING TO BLOW ITSELF UP. HE KNOWS THE TWO AMFIBIOUS ONES RITUALS. HE WARES CHROME BRACERS WORTH 75GP + GOLD TOERING 25GP.

AND NEXT TO HIM IS HIS LOVE-BIRD A JALE CHICK 2ND FIGHTER (MV 12, AC 8 CHAIN BRA+PANTIES, HD 2, ATT. 2 FLAME OIL BOTTLES, AL C). SHE WARES 8 JADE BRASELETTES ON ANKLES AND ARMS WORTH 40GPEACH + GOLD BELLY CHAIN 45GP (I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!!!!).

THEY MITE EVEN BE BROTHER/SISTER LIKE IN THAT MOVIE “THE CROW” WHICH MAKESIT EVEN WIERRDER……..OR NOT I JUST THOGUHT THAT COULD BE GOO DA IDEA. LIKE IN THE CROW. I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE ABOUT 12 TIMES AND I HAVE A THE CROW CREW JACKIT (I DID NOT WORK ON THE CROW, ONLY WATCH TED IT.)

ANYWAY THEY LIKE TO HANG BACK AND WATCH THE THUGS GO TO TOWN, SHE WILL LAUGH AND TOSS OIL BOTTLES EVERY KNOW AND THEN. IF TWO OF THE THUGS GO DOWN HE WILL JOIN IN COMBAT WITH A SHOUT (HE DONT CARE WHO HE HITS), THE SISTER WILL TRY TO RUN OUT BACK AND GRAB THE WHITE GIRL AND RUN AWAY.

JACKEDPOT!!!! THIS IS THE TRESURE ROOM, A CHEST XCONTAIN: 1135GP + 924SP + 23 PURPLE CRISTALS WORTH 30GP EACH. A LITTLE POT CONTINAES GOOP THAT LOOKS LIKE HONEY, SMELLS LIEK TURDS, AND S 4 DOSES THAT IF YOU EAT YOU GET PSIONICS POWER FOR 1-2 DAYS. A SILVER COFFER WORTH 75GP HOLDS SNAKE-MEN POTENCY ROOTS. 4 PRIMO-BLEND TORCHES THAT BURN FOR 12 HOURS EACH AND CANT BE BLOWED OUT, ONLY SPLASHED OUT WITH WATER ARE AGANST THE WALL. AND THERE’S A MAN-CATCHER IN HEAR TO (MAKEUP SOME RULES FOR).

4) WALK THE DINOSAR. IN HERE IS A ANKLOSARUS (MV 6, HD10, AC2 SKINS, 1 ATT. IF IT HITS ROLL D4 1) BITE 1D, 2) STOMP 2D, 3) TAIL THWAP 3D, 4) NO DAMAGE BUT TOSSED 30FEETS AWAYS, AL N) THEY ARE TRY TO TAME BY STARVE HIM, BUT IT DOES NOT WORK. HE IS CHAINED TO THEFL OOR BUT NOW IS FEDUP WITH THE BULL-SHIT: ANYONE COMES IN AND IT BRAKES A CHAIN AND GOES NUTS. ALOS IF IT HEARS A FIGHT NOISE IN #3 IT GOES CRAZY AND BUSTS THREW THE WALL LIKE A KOOL-AID-MAN (BUT WITH ANGER TO GIVE INSTEAD OF REFRESHING KOOL-AID). WHENEVER IT ATTACKTS IT GOES FOR RANDOM PERSON (EVEN CULTGUYS). TRESURE: A DEAD CULT BODY (GOT TWO CLOSE DUMMY!) HAS 4G.P. + 15S.P. + 6 ARROWS + SILVER DAGGAR.

5) COME AND GET EM. 3 PRIOSNERS TIEDTO THE 3 PILLERS HERE AND TORCHES BURN ON OF TOP EACH ONE.

PRISONER 1: PURPLE DUDE (MV 3, AC9, HD 1HP LEFT, NO ATTACK UNTIL YOU GIVE HIM A WEPON, AL N). HES BEEN BEATDOWN AND FUCKED UP SO HE WILL PROBALY DIE NO MATTER WAHT BUT IF YOU SET HIM FREE AND GIVE HIM A WEPON HE FIGHTING LIKE A 5TH LEVEL FIGHTER TO GET HIS REVENJE ON JALE ASSHOLES.ONE HIT KILLS HIM SO TRY TO MAKE SURE GETS A SHOTIN.

PRISONER 2: WHITE GIRL (MV12, AC 9, HD 1/2, ATT. DAGGAR, ALN). SHE GOT THE DAGGAR HID SOMEWARE SO IF A UNTIE COMES FROM THE JALE CHICK TO RUN, A STAB HAPPINS RIGHT AWAY. TRY TO KEEP HER SAVE, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A CARCOSA HER. (MAYBE GIVE EXTRA XP FOR A RESCUE).

PRISONAR 3: BONE LADY (MV 15, AC 7 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 3, ATT. STRANGAL). THOSE ARE SOME WEIRD STATS FOR A JUST BONE LADY………..BECASUE SHE IS NOT! A TRICK IS MADE!!!!!!! SOMETIME IN THE PASSED DAYS A FUCKER SPAWN NIGURATH CREPT OUT FROM SWAMP AND GANKED HER IT HAS DOPPELGANGLER POWERS. HER SKIN IS MOSTLY SEETHROUGH BUT SOME NOT-SEETHROUGH PATCHES MIGHT GIVE THE TRICK AWAY. ALSO SHE TALKS LIKE THE KEY-MASTAR OF GOZER, SO THE PCS SHOULD BE WTF???? IF UNTIE SHE COOP-ERATE FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS, THAN WHEN A BACK IS TURNED SHE STRIKES. ONE OF THE GUYS FROM #2A HAS A BONER FOR HER SO IF THEY ARE PART OF THE TEAM, HE WILL STICK CLOSE AND PROLBALY BE THE ONE THAT GETS JACKED. HER NATURAL FORM LOOKS LIKE A BIG YELLOW DIAREA THAT SQIRTS AROUND ON THE GROUND.

35 Responses to “A CARCOSA AVDENTURE FOR YOU”

  1. Dyson Logos Says:

    THIS IS BOSS!

  2. gameagain Says:

    I peed a little after being exposed to such awesomeness.

  3. Guest Says:

    The key-master of Gozer was the dude (the key is his dong probably). The gate keeper was the chick.

  4. Carter Soles Says:

    Love the angry Kool-Aid ankylosaur!

  5. Staples Says:

    I used this adventure tonight. It saved my hide, since I didn’t have anything prepared an hour before we started playing. Thanks!

    • joeskythedungeonbrawler Says:

      A REPORT PLEEEEEEASE!

      • Staples Says:

        Sure thing. Expect it on my blog on Monday.

      • joeskythedungeonbrawler Says:

        I TRIE A POST ON YOUR BLOG, BUT EVERYTHING ALL IS MESSED UP…………….

        AWLSOME!! THE BEST THING COULD I EVER HERE. TOO MUCH TRESURE IS THE RIGHT CALL—-I FORGET THIS WAS JUST LIKE ALITTLE LAIR NOT A HOLE ADVENTURE,SO CUT THE TRESURE IN ONE/HALF.

        THE ANKLESAR SHOULD IS A GOOD MOUNT IF THE PCS CAN FIND HIM SOME EATS.

      • Staples Says:

        Not sure if this is going to go under your response, Joesky, but hopefully it will. I’m guessing that you’ll see it either way, though.

        Yeah, blogger has weird lately. I just commented on a blog and part of the captcha was the tall type of “s” that they used back when they wrote the Constitution. Pretty unfair to non-History majors, I think.

        I’m glad you liked my play report. I don’t really mind about the treasure- sometimes I’m not sure if I put enough treasure in the parts of the setting I create, so when I run other people’s modules it evens things out.

        I hadn’t thought of allowing the PCs to tame the Ankylosaur, but if they give it a reasonable shot that’s absolutely the way to go. Joesky, your dungeon-brawling wisdom far surpasses your grammar and spelling. ^__^

        Thanks.


  6. [...] very own clown prince Joesky the dungeon brawler has borrowed a map from Dyson Logos and cooked up an adventure for Carcosa. It is, needless surely to say, made of awesome. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the [...]

  7. Todd Says:

    Hoorays!

  8. Jeff Rients Says:

    The Megatollah sounds like the kind of douchebag that would roll on your Bad Guy Dick Move Table.

    http://joeskythedungeonbrawler.wordpress.com/2010/02/14/a-table-for-the-bad-guys

  9. Cole Says:

    This would be worth it even if the whole post was just the word “Megatollah”


  10. Please take this for what it is.

    Everyone seem to love your posts, and these adventure notes are making the round in the blogosphere. I’d love to understand what’s going on, so I came here.

    Now. It’s extremely hard to read something written in all capital letters. Why do you post in all caps? Is there a reason? Sure, I can download the text and transform it with a short program, but why?

    Now for something more complicated. Would you please consider a spell checker? Hey, I totally understand if you are typing in a rush, or if you have serious problems with spellings, Some people have that. It’s cool. But, I hardly understand what you are trying to say. Take this sentence for example:

    “FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES.”

    I have no idea what you are trying to say there.

    Please understand that English is not my day to day language, so maybe I have a harder time parsing this. But, just so you don’t think I’m just bashing your spelling, I can volunteer to proof some for you if you like.

    Sorry if I come across as a dick, I just don’t understand you.

    • Staples Says:

      Andreas,

      Having lived most of my life in a country where English wasn’t the dominant language, I can appreciate how this blog is difficult for you. Some of Joesky’s writing is difficult for even native English speakers to figure out; I’m actually not sure what “FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES,” means either. In the spirit of dungeon-brawling, though, I try not to worry too much about it.

      That said, let me assure you that Joesky is doing this on purpose. As he says on his “THIS IS ABOUT ME” page, “FOR BRAWLING A SHOUT IS NEEDED………… THEIR IS NO OTHE RWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1″

      It actually exhausts me to imagine all the work Joesky must put into writing this way, but, if you are able to get the joke, let me assure you that it’s worth it. Joesky hits just the right tone for the kind of blog he’s going for. Joesky probably takes some time and practice for a non-native English speaker to acquire as a taste, but I think it would be worth it. Humor is one of the most difficult parts of a language to master, and Joesky’s blog is a great place to work on acquiring English language humor.

  11. silentjudas Says:

    I’m fairly certain it’s a semi-in character blog done up as a slightly moronic fighter

  12. Jack Colby Says:

    I assumed he meant that she talked like Rick Moranis too, considering. Think about all that bizarre dialogue he had while possessed.


  13. In character? I guess it could be. Still, the all caps is very tiring. Also, I wonder if the in character thing has not gone to far in some places.

    But, like I said, maybe it’s my skills that is lacking.

    • Brandon Says:

      Through no fault of your own you are failing to see the humour in Joesky’s posts. Unless you speak English every day I don’t think you can properly appreciate it.

      Joesky has a style that reminds me of an old internet site called “fat chicks in party hats”. Actually I just googled it and it is still around: http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part1.shtml (as an example). There is no way the creator of that site, or Joesky for that matter, is not capable of speaking fluent, clear English. Most of us know this but we laugh anyway. It’s a difficult style of humour to pull off and Joesky is a master.

      Just as he purposefully mangles the English language, the all-caps is intentional as well. It helps him to come across as this moronic, beer drinking, Conan-loving, stooge. It’s only tiring if you aren’t “in” on the joke.


  14. Which I guess means I have managed to come across and not only humourless, but also as a boor who opens his mouth in public to show how clueless he is.

    Well. Those are the breaks.

    I guess this blog is not for me then. It just drives me up the wall.

  15. Zak S Says:

    WHY NO TRAPS????

  16. Zak S Says:

    JOESky–

    I have an awesome blog game I want to do that requires reprinting your adventure on my blog–is that ok with you?


  17. [...] the Dungeon Brawler’s A Carcosa Avdenture For You [...]


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