WHAT THE HELL DRUID/??? PART 2

January 15, 2013

WHY ARE THE DRUIDSS TUPID? IDONT NOW WHEN ITS HAPPENED BUT MAYBE A FEW YEAR S AGO LIKE 1980 OR 1978 OR 19992(THOSE ARE ALL YEARS). I THINK YOU AKS SOMEONE D&D TODAY “HEY HWAT IS A DRUID!?’ AND A ANSER IS EVERY TIME “A SMELLY HIPPY WHO IS SELL GRILLCHEEESE SANWITCHS AND MAKE TINY CRUTCHES FOR A WOUNDED FEILD MOUSE.””

NOW WAIT A GOD-DAM MINITE………….THATS IS NOT MYDRUID!!

HOW ISAHAPPEN??????!? PROLBALY FROM THE DUMB IDEAS OF A PLAYERS HAND BOOK.LETS A LOOK HAVE AT THE STUPID DRUID OR “STUPID.”:

  • RACIALS (PAGE.14): A ½ ELF CAN BE THE TOP GUY. WHO WANTS TOBE A ONE-HALF-ELF?? EVERYONE NOWS A ½ ELF ISTHE DUMBIST RACE OF D&D. WHICH HALF IS ELF —– TOP OR BOTTOM??? A SCRAWNY ELF TOP ON A HUMAN BOTTOM LOOKS RIDI
  1. RIDICOLOUS. A HUMAN TOP ½ ON TINY ELF LEGS WOULDFALL OVER ON ONE FASEPUNCH. ONLY A DRINGUS IS A 1/2ELF. A CENTAR MAKES SENSE BUT A ONE1/2 ELF????????????????????????
  • SHITTY LEVEL NAMES (P.21): A 1ST LVL IS CALL ASPIRIN. A 2 LVL IS CALLED A OVARY. THEN THEY JUST GIVE UPON FIND COOLNAMES. WTF????
  • SHITTY POWERS: A DRUID P(P.21)OWERS ARE SHITTY. AT 3RD LEVELTHEY BECOME ABLE TOIDENTIFY WHAT IS WATER AND ALSO TO WALK THROUGH BUSHES. WHOOPIE-FUCKING-DOO.
  • THESE ARE SPELLS??: (P. ): WHEN THE DRUIDCASTSA SPELL USUALLY THE MAGICLE EFFECT IS LAUGHING AT THE SHITTY SPELL IS CAST. FARRY FIRE? LOCATE AMINAL? WHEN THEY IS TURN 6TH LEVEL THEY GET THE SPELL PRODUCE FIRE WHICH DOES……………….1D4 HP DAMAGE????!?

NO OFFENCING MY FEMALE LISTINERS,BUT THAT DRUID IS A PUSSY. I WANT TO PLAY A SHITKICKER ,NOT A PRIESTESSOF SHALLYA. MY DRUIDS BURN DOWN CAR DEALERSHIPS AND DESTROY ENTIRE FORREST JUST TO REVENGE ONE POACHER. I DONT HAVE ANY RULES YET BUT THESE ARE MY IDEA OF DRUIDS:

JEREMIAH JOHNSON. NO EXPLINATION NEED.

S

RAMBO. FROM RAMBO FIRST MOVIE. MAKE SPEAR FROM TREE BRANCH? DONE. MAKE KNIFEFROM SHARP STONE? CHECK. MAKE BOMB FROM PINECONE? NOT A PROBLEM. GET THE FUCK OUT MY OF FORREST.

THE GOOD KIND OF P IVY

POISON IVY. A HOT CHICK IS NEEDED. THIS HOT CHICK JUST HAPPINS TO BE MADE OF PLANTS. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, BABY.

TEARS OF DEATH

CRYING INDIAN GUY. THEY THREW MCDONALDS ON HIS FORREST AND NOW THEY MUST [PAY. THE CRY WILL BE SHORT, THE SCREAMS OF THEY DEATH WILL LINGER.

FIGHT CLUB GUYS. THE ONE THING ISCOOLFROM D&D DRUID IS YOU DONT GET A FREE PASS TO BE THE TOP GUY, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT CLUB THE LEADER. “EVERYONE GET IN A CIRCLE THERE IS A ARCHDRUID CHALLENGE!!!’ I THINK THEY SHOULD BE TIE TOGETHER AT THE WRIST AND NAKED (NUDE OF CLOTHS) AND HAVE ONLY A SHARD OF ANTLER FOR A WEAPON AND THEN IT’S TO THE DEATH. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!! AND THE CIRCLE CHEERS THE WINNER GUY AND THEN THEY EAT THE LOSER.

NO PRISONER

LEANNE NEESON. NO EXPLINATION NEED.

I THINK PROBALY THIS MEAN FORME MAKE ANEW CLASS OF D&D DRUID, I WILL WORKED ON IT.

17 Responses to “WHAT THE HELL DRUID/??? PART 2”

  1. mwschmeer Says:

    JOESKY! WHERE YOU BEEN MAN? I MISSEDED YOU, DUDE!

  2. Zak S Says:

    welcome back, ace

  3. gameagain Says:

    DRUID = “A SMELLY HIPPY WHO IS SELL GRILLCHEEESE SANWITCHS AND MAKE TINY CRUTCHES FOR A WOUNDED FEILD MOUSE.””

    Goddamn Joesky. Stop bogarting all of the awesome.

  4. 1d30 Says:

    I’m 1d30, and I approve this Druid.

  5. scrap princess Says:

    A better Druid for a worse tomorrow, fuck yeah, human sacrifice and battle nudity!


  6. WOULDNT THESE GUYS BE RANGERS (EXCEPT OFOR POISON IVY?)


  7. WOULDNT THOSE GUYS BE RANGERS? EXCE:T FR PIOSON IVY?

  8. Neil W Says:

    James Hutchings is close to the heart of the problem: Rangers have sucked the badassery out of the Druid.

    “I want to play a bad ass druid who is down with mother nature and has an animal companion” says some guy at the table. “Don’t be such a hippy, be a ranger,” says the GM and other players in chorus. “Druids did human sacrifice and had sickles for cutting throats and made drugs and were racist against anyone who wasn’t from around here and…” “HIPPY!”


    • RANGERS ARE PRETENDERS, THEY RUN AROUND IN WOODS FOR AWHILE AND THEN WHEN INHERATANCE FROMDAD COMES ITS”BYE-BY SUCKERS!!!! “. STRIDERT WAS RANGER A BUT THEN HE IS THE HAPPY ENDING: BE KING, BONE ELFSCHICK, LIVE IN CASTLE, BLAH BLAH. DRUDS ARE TRUE TO GAME, THEY HUSSLE THE MEAN STREETS (OF TREES) UNTIL THEY’RE ARE 6 FEET UNDER. WHEN A RANGER IS HURT A BIG PRODUCTION: RUN AWAY, WASH WOUND IN CRISTLE-CLEAR SPRINGWATER, DAB TENDER WITH SUNFLOWER ESSINCE,A
      CLEAN
      BANDAGE FROM CATTAILS AND HEMP, THEN HEALTHY FOODS TO EAT FOR RECOVER. A DRUID? YOU CUT OF HIS ARM, SHE WILL RUB DIRT ON WOUND AND THEN USE ARM AS CLUB TO KILL YOUR FASE WITH AND WHEN YOU ARE DEAD YOU ARE EATED AND THE DRUID GETS YOUR STREGTHN, AND THEN A PISS ONTO YOUR BONES AND YOUR SKULL GOES ON THE BELT.

  9. Gregnorakk Says:

    More relevant today than in 203 BC

  10. richard Says:

    you are right again, Joesky. I blame anthropologists.

  11. richard Says:

    but also WHERE ARE THE OTHER CARCOSA RACES MAN MY GAME IS WAITING FOR YOU. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT COLOUR THE GUYS IN MY ADVENTURE ARE YET.

    They are so much better than that grotesque guy’s Carcosa Rehab. Damn.

  12. Pere Ubu Says:

    I would like to disagree – my AD&D character was a druid, and I never sold anyone any grilled cheese sandwiches.

    Also, druids get Sustarre’s Flaming Chariot and Creeping Doom, so I get to fly in on my firey ride and swarm your ass with bitey poison insects.


  13. joesky you have good taste in movies, also don’t forget that druids liked to burn people too


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