WOOSIES

March 28, 2010

TOM FITZGERELD MADE SOME PICTURES FOR ME!!!! THESE GUYS ARE FROM NARNIA AND TOM MADE THEM IN JUST A DAY OR TWO (I DONT KNOW HOW HE DOES IT).   MIDDINMURK IS A GREAT BLOG YOU HAVE TO READ IT TOM HAS GREAT IDEAS FROM HIS WRITING AND HIS DRAWINGS (HIS PENCIL IS A +5 MAGIC WEAPON).  I HOPE SOMEDAY THAT I WILL HAVE A MIDDINMURK BOOK TO PUT NEXT TO MY CARCOSA ONE (AND IM LOOKING AT YOU TOO PLANET ALGOL!!!!), SO EVERYONE TELL TOM TO GET CRACKLING.

TOM SAID HE’S IS GOING TO MAKE THEM FOR LABYRITHN LORD BUT I WILL BEAT HIS PUNCH  !!!  BUT JUST FOR THE WOOSIE (SORRY CRUEL).  I HOPE TOM STILL MAKES HIS, BUT HERE IS A JOESKY ONE:

WOOSIE

  • NOMBER ENC: 1 (SOMETIMES 2, AND SEE BELOW ABOUT WOOSIE BABYS AND WOOSIE MOBS)
  • ALIGNMENT: CHAOTICS NEUTRAL
  • MOVE 60(20)
  • AC 8 (HAIRY COUNTS AS HIDE ARMOR)
  • HD 2+1
  • ATTACKS: 1
  • DAMAGE:WEAPON OR BITE 1-3 DAMAGE
  • SAVE: F2
  • MORALE: 6
  • HOARD CLASS: 3-18 ELECTURM PIECE
  • XP: 20?

A WOOSIE LOOKS ILKE A MAN OF ABOUT 4 OR FIVE FEET TALL, ACCEPT THE HEAD IS HUGE AND THEY HAVE TWO ANTLERS AND WILL WAVE A BONE AT YOU, BUT SOMETIMES THEY HAVE TWO BONES STICKING FROM THERE HEAD AND THEY WILL WAVE A ANTLER AT YOU (75-25).  THEY GRUMBLE ALOT AND THE SMELL IS PRETTY TERRIBEL.  IF A HOT LADY WALKS BY,THEY MAKE A CLICKING NOISE WITH THE TOUNGE PLUS RUDE GESTURES, BUT JUST IGNORE THEM IS THE BEST PLAN (THEY LIKE ATTENTION FROM BAD BEHAVIOR). THEY ARE WIMPY AND DONT LIKE TO FIGHT, BUT IF IT COMES TO A BRAWL THEY WILL BITE WITH THEIR HORSETEETH AND MAY HAVE A KNIFE OR A PITCH FORK OR A BONE/ANTLER CLUB.

THEY ARE MYSTERIOUS AND NOONE HAS SEEN THEM IN THEIR NATIVE HOME.  A WOOSIE WILL SOMETIMES COME RIGHT OUT OF THE FOREST AND BUILD A HOUSE IN A LITTLE HUMAN VILLAGE. THE HOUSE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A PILGRIM HAT (THE BUCKEL IS THE DOOR) AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY?  VILLAGERS ARE USUALLLY PRETTY COOL ABOUT THIS- THE WOOSIE IS KIND OF A JERK, BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY ALWAYS BRING GOOD LUCK TO A HARVEST WHILE THEY ARE AROUND, SO THE PEOPEL WILL DROP IN TO CHAT AND LISTIN TO THE WOOSIE COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS AND BRING THEM SOME FOOD TO MUNCH ON AND BY HIM A DRINK AT THE TAVERN AND TOLERATE THE WHINING………AND THEY BETTER DO IT BECAUSE A PISSED WOOSIE WILL PUT ON A WOOSIE CURSE TO THE VILLAGE. (SEE BELOW)

TWO WOOSIES WILL SOMETIMES SHOW UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND HAVE A STALL AT ALOCAL MARKET (ONLY FOR A SMALL VILLAGE NOT A BIG CITY) TO SELL FOOD OR SHOES, BUT ONE STANDS ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE OTHER AND THEY WARE A LONG COAT TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEY ARE JUST A REAL TALL GUY.  BUT IT LOOKS PRETTY OBVIOUS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.THEY WILL BE VERY CONFRONTATIONAL LIKE ‘WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??” TO SHOPPERS AND IF ANYONE MENTIONS ANYHTING LIKE “ARE YOU STANDING ON THE SHOULDER SOF YOUR FREIND??” OR ACTS LIKE THEY ARE WEIRD, THE TOP WOOSIE WILL GET PISSED OFF AND REFUSE TO SELL ANYTHING (BUT STILL PRETEND THEIR IS NO BOTTOM WOOSIE), AND IF THEY WERE SELL ING FRUITS AND VEGTABLES YOU WILL GET PELTED WITH THEM,.  TREATMENT OF THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO END UP WITH A WOOSIE CURSE FOR THE VILLAGE, SO ANYONE WHO MESSES WITH THE WOOSIES WILL GET JACKED BY THE VILLAGERS. JUST IGNORE THE PROVOKING, AVOID EYE CONTACT, AND YOU WILL GET YOUR SHOES OR FOODS TO BUY.

WOOSIES LOVE ELECTRUM AND WILL GIVE ANYTHING TO GET IT.  THEY WILL TRADE GOLD OR PLATINUM COINS FOR THE SAME AMOUNT OF ELECTRUM COINS. KEEPING THEM SUPPLY WITH ELECTURM WILL ALSO KEEP THEM HAPPY, AND SOME PEOPEL HAVE LEFT TRAILS OF ELECTRUM COINS THAT LEAD TO DANGEROUS MONSTER CAVES IN ORDER TO GET RID OF A PROBLEM WOOSIE. INSIDE THE PILGRIM HAT HOUSE YOU MIGHT FIND 6-36EP AND 2-12GP (TO BUY MORE EP)

A WOOSIE CURSE HAPPENS WHEN THEY GET ALL PISSED OFF (KEEP THEM DRUNK AND FEED THEM IS A GOOD WAY TO AVOID THIS).  THE CURSE MEANS THAT ALL THE BABIES BORN ARE WOOSIES- THERE IS NO SEX WITH THE WOOSIE, IT JUST HAPPENS FROM MAGIC.  IF HE DOESNT ALLREADY HAVE A PILGRIM HAT HOUSE HE WILL BUILD ONE AND STAY IN THE TOWN UNTIL 2-12 WOOSIES BABYS ARE BORN, THEN HE WILL TAKE THE BABYS AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE NEAREST FOREST (THE PARENTS DONT MIND BECAUSE A WOOSIE BABY IS A DICK TO BE AROUND). IF THE VILLAGERS GANG UP AND KILL THE WOOSIE, THE CURSE IS BROKE BUT WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH THERE WILL BE A NIGHT WHEN 5-100 WOOSIES COME FROM THE FOREST AND TRY TO BURN DOWN THE VILLAGE – THESE GUYS ALL HAVE KNIVES AND TORCHES AND THERE MORALE IS 12.) IF THE WOOSIE MOB IS DEFEATED THAT VILLAGE WILL NEFER HAVE A WOOSIE COME IN EVER AGAIN.

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3 Responses to “WOOSIES”


  1. Thank you Joesky. How did you know so much about woosies? That was exactly how I imagined them to be.

    I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I love the fact that they get all confrontational when people can see through their pathetic ruse. Perfect.

  2. Ragnorakk Says:

    damn dumb woosie dick baby curse!

  3. Christian Says:

    Oh my God I spit when I read about what dicks the baby woosies are. Classic! Ha!


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