MORE OF THE BARD

October 23, 2010

ANOTHER INSTRAMENT FOR THE BARD TO MASTER…………..

PIPES (THIS COULD ALOS BE FLUTE I GUESS BUT I LIKE ZAMFIR PIPES BETTER)

LEVEL ONE COME HITHER: USE THIS TUNE IN A INTAMITE SETTING (BAR OR BEDROOM) TO IMPRESS FOR POTENTIAL SEDUCTION. SELCT UP TO AS MANY TARGETS OF OPOSITESEX (OR SAME SEX IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THEY HAVE TO BE GAY FOR THIS TO WORK) AS YOUR LEVEL IS, THEN IT HITS THEM LIKE A CHARM SPELL – THEY SAVE OR THEY HAVE FALL UNDER YUOR SPELL. STOP PLAYING AND THE SPELL IS BROKE, SO WORK YOUR COMMMANDS IN TO YOUR LIRICS.

LEVEL TWO WHY FIGHT?: TOOOOO-TOO-TOOOOTLE-LEE-TOOT! SUCH A HAPPY SOUND HAS A CALM EFFECT – PLAYED IN THE HEAT OF BATTLE, ENEMIES MUST SAVE VS. SPELLS OR FORGET FOR 1D4 ROUNDS WHY THEY HAVE ANGER – ATTACK THEM AND THE SPELL IS BROKE, BUT MAYBE YOU CAN CONVINCE THE MTO BE COOL?

LEVEL 3: RALLY CAPS: WAS IT OVER WEHN GERMANY BOMBED PEARL HARBER? FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 AND THAT IS WHAT THIS LITTLE NUMBER SAYS, IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOWN IN THE DUMPS START PIPING: FOR NEXT 2D12 HOURS AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOUR LEVEL IS ARE IMMUNE TO FEAR, AND HIRELING +HENCHMAN ALWAYS MAKE THE MORALE SAVE. IT TAKES ABOUT TEN MINUNTES TO PLAY, BECAUSE IT STARTS SLOW BUT THEN THE PIPES BUILD AND PRETTY SOON EVERY ONE IS CLAPPING AND STOMPING FEET ‘”WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!!!!!!!”

LEVEL 4 DEMENTED MELODY: THIS IS WHERE THE BARD CARREER TURNS……………..SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF YOU PLAY THE PIPSE, THE PIPES PLAY YOU. PROBABLY BEST TO HIDE IN THE BUSHES FOR THIS ONE. AS YOU SPY ON THE BADDIES WHEN THEY MAKE THERE PLAN, YOU START WITH THE PIPES REAL LOW (THEY DONT EVEN NOTICE).. THEY HEAR IT IN THERE MIND AND IT MAKES THEM CRAZY…. A LITTLE DISAGREEMENT TURNS INTO A BIG ARGUMENT AND THEN SOMEONE CALLS SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM A HO AND SHIT GETS REAL!!! HAVE EACH ONE MAKE A SAVE EACH TURN– IF HE FAILS, HE PUNCHES THE GUY NEXT TO HIM. IF SOMEONE GETS KILLED, THE WEAPONS COME OUT AND A FREE-FORALL IS ON. YOU MUST SAVE VS. SPELLS OR KEEP PIPING AND WATCH THE FIGHT AND LAUGH LIKE A MANIAC.

LEVEL 5 UNHOLY SONG: YOU MUST BE ALONE FOR THIS AND DRESSED IN BLACK CAPE. PLAY A WICKED SONG FOR ONE HOUR AND A WEIRD GOD PEEKS IN TO CHECK OUT THE

SCEENE. HAVE A QUESTION ?ASK IT IF Y OUDARE!!!! LIKE THE COMMUNE SPELL, BUT A 10% CHANCE WEIRDO GOD TELLS YOU SOMETHING THAT BLOWS Y OURMIND INTO A COMA FOR 1D4 DAYS. PLAY FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND A NEW CREEP WILL BE PEEK IN – 20% MINDBLOW. ETC……………………….

LEVEL 6 TERROR PIPES: THE MUSIC OF THE OLD ONES IS IMPOSSIAL TO WITH STAND – IT TAKES AN HOUR OF PLAY TO WORK UP TO A FRENZY, BUT AFTER AN HOUR ALL INTEL-LIGENT & ANIMAL LIFE WITHIN ONE MILE FLEES IN HORRORR (NO SAVE THROW) AND ALL THE PLANTS WITHER INTO GRAY AND DIE AND TURN GREY. UNDEAD MELT IN SCREAMS. YOU DO NOT CONTROL THE TUNE AFTER THAT – PLAY PSYCHOTHRASH PIPES FOR 1D100 ROUNDS MORE THEN COMA FOR 2D4 DAYS THEN INSANE FOR 2D6 MONTHS THEN RETURN TO NORMAL BUT WITH FEAR THAT KNAWS YOUR HEART FOREVER AFTER (YOU CANNOT STAND TO LOOK AT THE NIGHT SKYS OR LEAVE A BASEMENT DOOR OPEN) THIS EFFECTS YOUR FRIENDS TO, SO PASS OUT EAR PLUGS.

RUNAWAY FOR ONE MILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2 Responses to “MORE OF THE BARD”

  1. N. Wright Says:

    What we need now is a bard that plays the harp, for the total trifecta of drum/wind/string instruments. Or maybe the lyre.

    One time I heard a bard play TERROR PIPES in real life. I heard a tootling on the wind, and was kind of annoyed because I had turned my thrash metal up to twelve and didnt understand what the hell was getting through all of the awesome. But the tootling kept getting stronger, and it freaked me out for some reason, so I jumped out of my window and just started running! For some reason, everybody else in the city was running too, and a bunch of people got killed in the stampede because all of the fat people got trampled since they couldn’t run very well.

    It was pretty cool.

  2. Christian Says:

    Can there be a song that summons Justin Bieber so that we can feed him to the ogre horde that is chasing our characters?


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