TREET YOUR PEEPS RIGHT

December 9, 2010

PLEASE DRINK A TASTE OF THIS POTION ITS PROBABLY HELAING OR STREGTH, NOT POISON.

  A PROBLEM IS WHEN THE PCS ARE SENDIN THE HIRED HELP TO DO THE DIRTYW ORK……………. LIKE, ‘OK TORCHGIRL CHECKOUT TH AT PASSIGE UP THEIR, I AM SURE ITS FINE WITH NO PITRAPS OR ANYTHIGN!!!!!!!” AND ALSO PRESS ON THE STONE THAT LOOKS A LITTLE DIFFERENT ALSO……. I DONT THINK THE DARTS WOULD FLY OUT OF THEEIR, IT IS FINE.”

 THE HENCHMANS MAY NOT IS THE STAR OF TH ESTORY BUT THEY CANNOT BE TOTALLY DUMB AND A 1GP A /DAY IS NOT WORTH HAVING POISON NEEDLES EXPLODE ON YOU AND STUFF.

 ITS IS TO COMPLACATED TO KEEP TRACKS OF EVERYTIME THE PCS TAKE AVANTAGE OF THE HENCHMANS BY ASKING FOR CRAZY SHIT,, BUT IF YOU (THE DM OF THE GAME) GET A SENSE OF ‘OK SOME HORSESHIT IS GOI

NG DOWN HERE, THEN YOU CAN ROLL ON THIS TABLE WCICH TELLS YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE HIRE-LINKS GET PISSED:

 A 1D20 ROLL:

 TABLE:

 1. NO WAY – THE HENCHMAN REFUSES THE ORDER………… INSISTING WILL ONLY MAKE THE ANGER MORE.

 2.TRICK OR TREET – THE HENCHMAN FOUND A TRAP, BUT TELLS THE PCS ‘ALL CLEAR – COME ON OVER’ AND THEN THE TRAP WILL GOO FF.

3. HAUNTED – THE NEXT HENCHLING THAT DIES COMES BACK AS A WRATH OR A ANGRY GHOST

 4. F-YOU – THE PC THAT AKSED MUST SAVE VS. DRAGON BREATH OR GET HIT BY THE TORCH THAT THE HENCHMAN JUST THREW AT YOU (1D6 DAMAGE AND CHECK AGAIN TO SEE IF YOU CATCH FIRE.

 5. NO-NO-NOOOOO! – ANARGUMENT, KEEP IT UP AND ROLL FOR MORE WANDERING MONSTERS EACH EXTRA ROUND.

 6. WE WALK – ALL THE HENCHMEN JUST LEAVE. IF THEY CARRY THE TRESURE, THAT LEAVES WITH THEM.

 7. HULK – HENCHMAN TURNS GREEN AND ATTACKS LIKE A LEVEL 4TH BARBARIAN WITH 18STR. ONLY A HOT CHICK CAN CALM HIM DOWN.

 8) VEEITNAM – A THOUSAND ” STARE SAYS THIS HENCHMAN IS GONE. CON-TEMPLATING A DEATH BY DUNGEONTRAP HAS BORKEN THE MIND. THE HENCHMAN MUST BE LEAD AROUND AND WILL NOT RECOVER UNTIL IT IS SUROUNDID BY SUNNY FIELDS WITH FLOWERSA ND HAPPY BUMBALBEES (GOOD PCS WOULD NOT LEAVE THEM BEHIND TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!)

 9. MONTEZUMA REVENGE- NEXT TIME THE PCS DRINK FROM THE WATERSKINS BARFING HAPPENS A-BOUT FIVE SECONDS LATER BECASE THE HENCHMANS TOOK A DUMP IN IT. SAVE VS. POISON OR ALL MESSED UP FOR 3-16 ROUNDS.

 10.

BAD REP: GO TRY TO HIRE SOMEMORE WORKERS AND ITS LIKE YOU GOT A CHA3.

 10. REVOLT – ALL THE HENCHMANS ARE PISSED. IF THEY ARE MORE THAN THE PCS, THEY TRY TO BEAT YOU UP AND LEAVE YOU IN THE DUNGEON. IF NOT, IT COULD BE A MEXICAN STANDOFF………………….DON’T BLINK!!!!!!!!11

12. REVENGE – “SURE NO PROBLEM BOSS!” WOW THIS HENCMANS DONT GIVE A SHIT! (THIS SECRET IS THE HENCHMANS DOES GIVE A SHIT, AND NEXT SLEEPEYTIME HE WILL STEAL THE BAG OF LOOT AND RUN THE HELL AWAY.)

13. HUNT IS ON – THE NEXT HENCHMAN THAT DIES HAS A RELATID THAT COMES AFTER YOU INIGO MONTIGO-STYLE. HE WILL HUNT YOUR SHIT DOWN BECAUSE HE IS A 6TH LEVEL ASSASTIN.

14. DIVINE WRATH- ST. CUTHBURT LOOKS DOWN AND SEES HOW YOU TREET YOUR PEOPLE AND HE THINKS YOU ARE ASS-HOLES. TURNS WEPONS INTO FISHSTICKS AND YOUR ARMOR BECOMES MADE OF CARDBOARD, BUT IF YOU DO SOMETHING NICE IT TURNS BACK.

15.A CURSE OF YOU:A JIPSIE CURSE IS MADE AND IS ANSWERED!!!!!!!!1 THE PC GETS A CURSE, LIKE A CURSED SPELL.

61. AMBUSH-IT WAS A SECRETB UT THAT HENCHMAN YOU ORDERED AROUND WAS A THIEF SENT BY THE THIEF GUILD TO WATCH YOUR GROUP. THE GROUP WILL GET ROBBED ON THE WAY BACK TO TOWN, AND THE PISSED THIEF WILL STAB THE PC HE HATES MOST.

17. SLOW BURN- THE HENCHMAN DOES THE DEED BUT ITS THE LAST-STRAW. NEXT TIME THE PC THAT ASKED IS NEXT TO A PITRAP OR A CASIM OR LAVA, THE HENCHMAN KARATEY KICKS HIM INTO IT.

18. TURNCOAST: WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT BATTLE, AT THE WORST TIME ALL THE HENCHMANS JOIN THE BADGUYS………….. NOW WHAT, HOT-SHOT?

19. THE SHINING – OUT OF NOWHERE IS AN AXE AND HE WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL ALL PCS ARE CHOPPED IN PEICES (ATTACK LIKE AN OGRE MAGE FOR TO HIT STATS.

20..ORCUS- ALL THAT REPRESSIONED ANGER OPENS A GATE TO HELL AND A MIGHTY DEMON STEPS OUT. HE IS IMPRESS THAT THE PCS WILL TREET SOMEONE ELSE LIKE CRAP AND OFFERS THEM A EVIL QUEST. REFUSE IS SUILCIDE.

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7 Responses to “TREET YOUR PEEPS RIGHT”

  1. ze Bulette Says:

    Very helpful, thank you!

  2. Spawn of Endra Says:

    Thank you, Mr Joesky, for delivering the goods. You’re a pragmatic dude, if nothing else.

  3. Tedankhamen Says:

    Copied and pasted into my DM stuff folder…

  4. chgowiz Says:

    This fucking rocks!

    On a side note, you write about the same way my best friend from high school still talks. You have any relations in Cincinnati? 😉

  5. Jack Colby Says:

    Very useful table, thanks!

  6. Carter Soles Says:

    Great post, great table! Thanks! (The Hulk is my favorite.)

  7. PatW Says:

    Another henchman-coddler. Replace all entries with “Henchman shouts ‘I deserve this!'”

    The best henchman is one who dies right before you leave the dungeon, so he doesn’t factor into the XP- and treasure-splitting equations.


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