P IS FOR THIS POTION

April 16, 2011

LIKE A THOSAND YEAR AGO IN MY FRIST GAME AS D&D PLAYER MY CHARACTAR

FOUND A SUPERHEROSIM POTION AND I WAS LIKE “””SWEET LETS DO THIS SHIT!!!!!!” AND THEN D. MASTER SAYS ‘ OKAY A DRINK IS MAKE AND NOW YOU HAVE…… 3 EXTRALEVELS FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS…….

I SAID “WHAT THE VROCK ARE YOU TALK A-BOUT YOU SAID THE POITON IS MAKED ME A SUPER HERO’ AND THEN HE EXPLANES SOME BULLSHIT AND A BIG FIGHT IS ON!!!!

THE DMG “POTION OF SUPERHEROISM” IS A BIG WASTE OF MY TIME AND PROBALY A FALSE ADVARTISE LAWSUIT ONCE I GET MY LAW DIGREE. SO HERE IS THE A REALDEAL, DRIN KYOUR POTION ANDF ROLL 1D12 FOR RESULT:

1. IN A FLASH YOU RUN SO FAST LIKE A QUICKSILVER BOLT FOR 3D20 TURNS, MOVE 10X YOUR NORMAL SPEED, ATTACK 8X PER ROUND

2. NEXT 10D8 ROUNDS HEAL 1D4 X 10 DAMAGE PER ROUND, IMMUNE POISON OR GET SICK, AC0, ATTACK LIKE 20TH LEVEL FIGHTER, ATTACK CLAW/CLAW 2D12/2D12

3. 4D4 ROUNDS PUNCH DOES 1D10 X 10 DAMAGE, SEE-THROUGH STUFF VISION, FLY AS FAST AS YOU WANT, STRENGTH TO DO ANYTHING, AND CANNOT BE HURT, AND EYES SHOOT FIREBALL BEAMS, AND BLOW A CONE OF COLD, AND FLY AROUND PLANET BACKWERDS TO MAKE TIME REVERST, AND FEEL A LITTLE SAD BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IS LIKE TO BE YOU 😦

4. FOR 2D10 TURNS YU GET IMPROVED INVISABILITY, CAN MAKE INVISIBLE STUFF TO USE (BRIDGES, PILLARS, STAIRS, SWORD) AND MAKEA IN-VISIBLE SHIELD THAT GIVES YOU AC-10. ALSO YOU ARE NOW A CHICK (IF YOU WASNT ALREADY)

5. 4D12 ROUNDS A FANTASTIC POWER OF STRECHING – BECOME A ROPE, SLIP UNDER A DOOR, ATTACK FROM FAR AWAY, CROSS A GAP, AND MORE……………..YOUR IMAGIN

ATION IS IN CHARGE!!!!!!!!1

6. BODY TURNS INTO SOLID MAGINCAL +5 PLATEMAIL. STR IS NOW 18. TOUCH BY RUST MONSTER AND YOU DIE FOREVER. THIS IS FOR 5D20 TURNS.

7) GAIN 400 POUNDS OF GREEN MUSSELS. STRONG ENOUGH TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, A PUNCH IS 1D12 X 10 DAMAGE. JUMP A FEW MILES. NOTHING IS HURT YOU. INT & WIS ARE 4 EACH. ANGER ISSUES (A HOT CHICK WILL SOLVE IT(), FOR 2D8 ROUNDS

8. 8D4 ROUNDS? CAST WEB ALL THE TIME YOU WANT. 16 STR + 18 DEX. NEVER SURPRISED ALWAYS ATTACK FIRST. I GUESS STICK TO WALLS&CEELING TO!

9. IT LASTS 5D6 ROUNDS. SHOOT MAGIC MISSILES FROM YOUR FACE 4 PER ROUND, BUT IF YOU DONT WEAR A HELMET YOU MIGHT SHOOT ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

10.TELEPORT WEHREVER YOU WANT, CHA 3. LASTS UNTIL REMOVE CURSED IS CAST UPON YOU.

11. YOU HAVE A FIRE MADE OF BODY. FLY ALL OVER AT SPEED OF EAGLE, FIREBALL ONCE A ROUND, BURN SHIT UP CONSTANTLY, DICK ATTITUDE. 15 ROUNDS.

12. A SHITTY ROLL…. YOU CAN TALK TO FISH AND MAYB THEY FIGHT FOR YOU BUT WHAT THE HELL IS A CLAM GOING TO DO AGAINST A OGRE ANYSWAY?

THIS IS EXALCTLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE 😦

I HAEV ONLY ONE OF TH

E LITTLE BROWN BOOKS…………………MAYBE IT IS A FIRST EDITION AND WORTH $$$$$$$$$$$$ BUT I CANNOT CELL IT, BECASUE WHY?  BECAUSE WHY IT IS ELDRITCH WIZARDS WITH THE SACRIFICE CHICK ON FRONT AND I DREW IN A BIG MUFF PLUS NIPPLE ON BOOB (SIDEVIEW).  A SAME TACTIC WAS USE ON MY MONSTER MANUEL.  BUT IM NOT A GOOD ARTISTS ANDT HE ONLY PEN I HAD IS A GIANT BLACK SHARPEY, SO THE MUFFS ARE HUGE LIKE EACH GIRL IS SIT ON A DIRE WOLF AND EVEN THE NEXT PAGE HAS A BLACK TRIANKLE ON IT FROM INK WENT ALL-THE-WAY THROUWE.

DID GIRLS & GAY DUDES DRAW BIG WEENERS ON THE GUY MONSTERS?  IF SO THEN WE SHOULD COMBINED ARE BOOKS AND MAKE ONE BIG XXX MONSTER MANUEL WITH BOOBS+MUFFS+DONGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

A MAZE OF DANGER FILL WITH DINOS!!!!!11

I AM TO DO THE A-Z BLOGGER CHALLINGE, BUT I DO NOT LIKE SOME LETTERS (I AM LOOK AT YOU LETTER BEE, YOU ASSHOLE) AND I DO NOT TO HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT SOME, SO HERE IT IS TO GE TTO THE GOOD PARTS!!!!

THE RULES SAY DINO-SAURS JUST HAVE REGUALR ATTAKCS

AND DAMAGE AND STUFF, BUT HAVE YOU EVER FIGHT A REAL DINOSAUR? THOSE FUCKERS ARE CRAZY AS SHIT………..TRICKY WITH MOVES YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!! PLUS THEY ARE FATASS MONSTERS- ONE FALSE MOVE AND DEATH IS ON YOU HOTSHOT. SO TRY THIS IF YOUR PLAYERS WANT TO SCREW WITH THE KINGS FO THE JUNGEL…..

ROLL FOR A HIT LIKE REGULAR. IT IT MISS, NOTHING BUT IF A HIT THEN FOR A NOMRAL DINOSORE OR MAYBE SMALL LIKE STEGGASAURUS OR TRISERASTOPS OR BARNEY JUST ROLL 1D10 (1-10), AND IF ITS A MEAN DINAUAR LIKE TYRANOSAUROS REX OR GODZILLA OR A DINOBOT ROLL 1D20 (1-20) AND THEN LOOK FOR THISCHART:

DINOSAUR ATTACK YOU CHART

1. ROAR – THE MITEY ROAR FROM A LOSTWORLD!!!!! NOT ANY DAMAGE BUT ALL OF YOU IN 50′ OR LESS IS SAVE VS. SPELLS OR STUNED 1D6 ROUNDS (CANT DO SHIT BUT RUN AWEAY)

2) JUMP & KICKED- PICK THE RANDOM PC IT DONOT MATTER HOW FAR A-WAY, THE DINOSOUR JUMPS LIKE A FRIGGING RABBIT AND DELIVERS A KARATEY KICK FO R2D4 DAMAGE.

3) ASS BUMP – A SWAY FROM THE FUNK IN THE TRUNK SENDS THE THE THE CLOSEST PC FLYING 10D6′ AWAY, ROLL 1D6 DAMAGE FOR EACH 10′.

4) EXPLOSIVE PISS – UP GOES THE LEG AND OUT OF THE PRIVATES COME A FIREBHOSE OF PISS IN YOUR FACE. PICK A 90 DEGREES ARK ANDD ALL PCS WITHIN 30′ IN THERE GET DRENCHED, SAVE VS. POISON OR ONLY BARFING FOR 1D10 ROUNDS. ARMOR+CLOTHES PLUS EVERYTHING YOUR CARRY IS GROSS AND NOT TO BE USED UNTIL A BATH IS TAKED.

5. TOSS – A HIT WITH THE HEAD AND THEN LIFT &THROW LIKE A ANGRY BULL. 1D6 DAMAGE & SAVE VS. PARALYSE OR WOOZY FOR 2D4 ROUNDS.

6. WEEK BITE – JUST A NIBBLE, BUT IT HURTS LIKE HELL! 3D4 DAMAGE.

7. TAIL SWAPP! – CLOBBERED BY A COBRAKAI STYLE SWEEP. EVERYONE IN MELEE RANGE SAVE V. PARALYDSED OR KNOCKED DOWN……. SUBTRACT ARMOR-ONLY AC FROM 10, THAT IS HOW MANY ROUNDS TO GET UP.

8) PIN & RIP – A STOMP TO THE CHEST PINS YOU DOWN THEN THE BITE COMES….. ASND TARES ALL YOUR ARMOR AND CLOTHES OFF. NO DAMAGE, BUT NOW YOUR ARE AC9.

9) STABBED– LIKE A CLAW OR HOREN OR SOMETHING GOT YOU. 2D8 DAMAGE AND THE DINO LIKES THE TASTE OF YOUR BLOOD SO WILL ONLY ATTACK YOU FROM NOW ON.

10. HEAD BUT- FOR RANDOM PC IN MEELEE RANGE, TAKE 2D10 DAMAGE…….. IF ITS A TRICERTATOPS SAVE VESRS. PARALYSE OR DIE.

1)1 A FASE PUNCH – FROM A DINOSOR!!!?!??! SURE HWY NOT, YOU GET CLOCKED FOR 2D12 DAMAGE…………………..IF THE DINO IS A T-REX THE DAMAEG IS ONLY 1HP BECAUSE OF THE BABY ARMS, AND THEN YOU CAN LAUF AT IT.

12) TRAMPLE – A PUNISHING SHOT. TAKE 1D6 DAMA
GE FOR EACH HIT DICE OF DINO (SAVE FOR ½ ) AND THEN KNOCKED OUT FOR 4D4 ROUNDS.

13) SIT DOWN SQUISH – SORRY TO INFORM YOU CLOSEST PC, YOU ARE UNDER MANY TONS OF FAT LIZARD ASS. EVERY ROUND ROLL SAVE VS. PARALYZE – THREE IN A ROW MAKE YOU GET FREE, THREE IN A ROW FAIL GET OUT 3D6 AND ROLL 6 TIMES IN ORDER.

14) BARE HUG – A PAINFUL WAY TO MAKE ANEW FREND!!!!!!!!!!! 7D4 DAMAGE.

15) A SOLID STOMPING– HE STOMPED THE YARD AND YOU JUST GOT SERVED……….. ALL IN 30′ RANGE TAKE 1D8 DAMAGE FOR EACHHIT DIE 0F DINASAUR

16BITE &THROW – THE BITE HURT SFOR 5D8 DAMAGE, THE THROW PUTS YOU 10D10′ AWAY AND COSTS ANOTHER 3D10 DAMAGE. CANNOT ATTACK AGAIN IN A ROUND UNTIL YOU ROLL OVERYOUR WISDOM ON 3D6.

17 .ANGRY GLARE. NO DAMAGE BUT THE INTIMIDATION IS FOR REAL. EACH PC SAVE VS. SPELLS AT -3 OR RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

18) MEGA-CHOMP!! – SAVE VS. DEATH OR DIE (CHEWED & SWALLOWED). IF SAVE, THEN ROLL 1D4…. THATS HOW MANY HP YOU HAVE LEFT. EVERYTHING ON YOU MUST SAVE VS. CRUSH WITH -5 OR ITS TOAST. TO.

19) ROLL AGAIN TWICED.

20) ROLL ON WANDERING DINOSOUR CHART, HIS BUDDIES JUST SHOWED UP.