LETTER D IS FRO DINOSORES

April 4, 2011

A MAZE OF DANGER FILL WITH DINOS!!!!!11

I AM TO DO THE A-Z BLOGGER CHALLINGE, BUT I DO NOT LIKE SOME LETTERS (I AM LOOK AT YOU LETTER BEE, YOU ASSHOLE) AND I DO NOT TO HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT SOME, SO HERE IT IS TO GE TTO THE GOOD PARTS!!!!

THE RULES SAY DINO-SAURS JUST HAVE REGUALR ATTAKCS

AND DAMAGE AND STUFF, BUT HAVE YOU EVER FIGHT A REAL DINOSAUR? THOSE FUCKERS ARE CRAZY AS SHIT………..TRICKY WITH MOVES YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!! PLUS THEY ARE FATASS MONSTERS- ONE FALSE MOVE AND DEATH IS ON YOU HOTSHOT. SO TRY THIS IF YOUR PLAYERS WANT TO SCREW WITH THE KINGS FO THE JUNGEL…..

ROLL FOR A HIT LIKE REGULAR. IT IT MISS, NOTHING BUT IF A HIT THEN FOR A NOMRAL DINOSORE OR MAYBE SMALL LIKE STEGGASAURUS OR TRISERASTOPS OR BARNEY JUST ROLL 1D10 (1-10), AND IF ITS A MEAN DINAUAR LIKE TYRANOSAUROS REX OR GODZILLA OR A DINOBOT ROLL 1D20 (1-20) AND THEN LOOK FOR THISCHART:

DINOSAUR ATTACK YOU CHART

1. ROAR – THE MITEY ROAR FROM A LOSTWORLD!!!!! NOT ANY DAMAGE BUT ALL OF YOU IN 50′ OR LESS IS SAVE VS. SPELLS OR STUNED 1D6 ROUNDS (CANT DO SHIT BUT RUN AWEAY)

2) JUMP & KICKED- PICK THE RANDOM PC IT DONOT MATTER HOW FAR A-WAY, THE DINOSOUR JUMPS LIKE A FRIGGING RABBIT AND DELIVERS A KARATEY KICK FO R2D4 DAMAGE.

3) ASS BUMP – A SWAY FROM THE FUNK IN THE TRUNK SENDS THE THE THE CLOSEST PC FLYING 10D6′ AWAY, ROLL 1D6 DAMAGE FOR EACH 10′.

4) EXPLOSIVE PISS – UP GOES THE LEG AND OUT OF THE PRIVATES COME A FIREBHOSE OF PISS IN YOUR FACE. PICK A 90 DEGREES ARK ANDD ALL PCS WITHIN 30′ IN THERE GET DRENCHED, SAVE VS. POISON OR ONLY BARFING FOR 1D10 ROUNDS. ARMOR+CLOTHES PLUS EVERYTHING YOUR CARRY IS GROSS AND NOT TO BE USED UNTIL A BATH IS TAKED.

5. TOSS – A HIT WITH THE HEAD AND THEN LIFT &THROW LIKE A ANGRY BULL. 1D6 DAMAGE & SAVE VS. PARALYSE OR WOOZY FOR 2D4 ROUNDS.

6. WEEK BITE – JUST A NIBBLE, BUT IT HURTS LIKE HELL! 3D4 DAMAGE.

7. TAIL SWAPP! – CLOBBERED BY A COBRAKAI STYLE SWEEP. EVERYONE IN MELEE RANGE SAVE V. PARALYDSED OR KNOCKED DOWN……. SUBTRACT ARMOR-ONLY AC FROM 10, THAT IS HOW MANY ROUNDS TO GET UP.

8) PIN & RIP – A STOMP TO THE CHEST PINS YOU DOWN THEN THE BITE COMES….. ASND TARES ALL YOUR ARMOR AND CLOTHES OFF. NO DAMAGE, BUT NOW YOUR ARE AC9.

9) STABBED– LIKE A CLAW OR HOREN OR SOMETHING GOT YOU. 2D8 DAMAGE AND THE DINO LIKES THE TASTE OF YOUR BLOOD SO WILL ONLY ATTACK YOU FROM NOW ON.

10. HEAD BUT- FOR RANDOM PC IN MEELEE RANGE, TAKE 2D10 DAMAGE…….. IF ITS A TRICERTATOPS SAVE VESRS. PARALYSE OR DIE.

1)1 A FASE PUNCH – FROM A DINOSOR!!!?!??! SURE HWY NOT, YOU GET CLOCKED FOR 2D12 DAMAGE…………………..IF THE DINO IS A T-REX THE DAMAEG IS ONLY 1HP BECAUSE OF THE BABY ARMS, AND THEN YOU CAN LAUF AT IT.

12) TRAMPLE – A PUNISHING SHOT. TAKE 1D6 DAMA
GE FOR EACH HIT DICE OF DINO (SAVE FOR ½ ) AND THEN KNOCKED OUT FOR 4D4 ROUNDS.

13) SIT DOWN SQUISH – SORRY TO INFORM YOU CLOSEST PC, YOU ARE UNDER MANY TONS OF FAT LIZARD ASS. EVERY ROUND ROLL SAVE VS. PARALYZE – THREE IN A ROW MAKE YOU GET FREE, THREE IN A ROW FAIL GET OUT 3D6 AND ROLL 6 TIMES IN ORDER.

14) BARE HUG – A PAINFUL WAY TO MAKE ANEW FREND!!!!!!!!!!! 7D4 DAMAGE.

15) A SOLID STOMPING– HE STOMPED THE YARD AND YOU JUST GOT SERVED……….. ALL IN 30′ RANGE TAKE 1D8 DAMAGE FOR EACHHIT DIE 0F DINASAUR

16BITE &THROW – THE BITE HURT SFOR 5D8 DAMAGE, THE THROW PUTS YOU 10D10′ AWAY AND COSTS ANOTHER 3D10 DAMAGE. CANNOT ATTACK AGAIN IN A ROUND UNTIL YOU ROLL OVERYOUR WISDOM ON 3D6.

17 .ANGRY GLARE. NO DAMAGE BUT THE INTIMIDATION IS FOR REAL. EACH PC SAVE VS. SPELLS AT -3 OR RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

18) MEGA-CHOMP!! – SAVE VS. DEATH OR DIE (CHEWED & SWALLOWED). IF SAVE, THEN ROLL 1D4…. THATS HOW MANY HP YOU HAVE LEFT. EVERYTHING ON YOU MUST SAVE VS. CRUSH WITH -5 OR ITS TOAST. TO.

19) ROLL AGAIN TWICED.

20) ROLL ON WANDERING DINOSOUR CHART, HIS BUDDIES JUST SHOWED UP.

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15 Responses to “LETTER D IS FRO DINOSORES”

  1. Zak S Says:

    O Emm Gee why can’t we have these every day?

    And seriously I would pay whatever for a whole Joesky monster book.

  2. ragnorakk Says:

    ouch. mean fuckers.

  3. tellius Says:

    I with Zak S!!! I would pay many of your yanqui dollars for anything Joesky monsters have to offer.

  4. Jeff Rients Says:

    I agree that Bee is an asshole letter. What other letter stings you??

    • joeskythedungeonbrawler Says:

      LETER K HAS A CRAP ATTITTUDE. AS A LETTER NUMBER X SUCKS……………..AS A SPOT ON THE TREASURE MAP IT IS GREAT !!

  5. Carter Soles Says:

    Awesome!!

  6. Dave Howard Says:

    Oh hahahahaahaha

    Man I am using this and I don’t even have dinos in my game! (I do now)

    This 1 post = 100 x more old skool than all of everything on any 10 other blogs out there !

    thank you joesky!!!!

    …….. ….. still laughing

  7. Pere Ubu Says:

    WE ARE NOT WORTHY!

  8. ChicagoWiz Says:

    You know, this makes Alexis’s mass==hp make a lot more sense… use this on anything that has that very large mass and you’ve got a whole new dimension to attacking things like Giants and Mastadons…

  9. Strangefate Says:

    Every time Joesky publishes a dungeon or a chart like this one, I wish I was playing DnD. He makes it sound so hilariously fun.


  10. I just watched Richard Boone’s The Last Dinosaur, and this chart is so relevant it hurts.

    Thank you.


  11. OK, that was just freaking AWESOME!!11one!!

  12. Ed Green Says:

    Wow, this is the best chart ever! Why limit it just to dinosaurs? Why not use it for everything? Maybe scale it, one chart for small monsters, one for man-sized, one for the biggies and one for huge-ass monsters like dinos.


  13. I can’t believe that I never looked at this blog… Joesky is made of WIN!!!


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