P IS FOR THIS POTION

April 16, 2011

LIKE A THOSAND YEAR AGO IN MY FRIST GAME AS D&D PLAYER MY CHARACTAR

FOUND A SUPERHEROSIM POTION AND I WAS LIKE “””SWEET LETS DO THIS SHIT!!!!!!” AND THEN D. MASTER SAYS ‘ OKAY A DRINK IS MAKE AND NOW YOU HAVE…… 3 EXTRALEVELS FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS…….

I SAID “WHAT THE VROCK ARE YOU TALK A-BOUT YOU SAID THE POITON IS MAKED ME A SUPER HERO’ AND THEN HE EXPLANES SOME BULLSHIT AND A BIG FIGHT IS ON!!!!

THE DMG “POTION OF SUPERHEROISM” IS A BIG WASTE OF MY TIME AND PROBALY A FALSE ADVARTISE LAWSUIT ONCE I GET MY LAW DIGREE. SO HERE IS THE A REALDEAL, DRIN KYOUR POTION ANDF ROLL 1D12 FOR RESULT:

1. IN A FLASH YOU RUN SO FAST LIKE A QUICKSILVER BOLT FOR 3D20 TURNS, MOVE 10X YOUR NORMAL SPEED, ATTACK 8X PER ROUND

2. NEXT 10D8 ROUNDS HEAL 1D4 X 10 DAMAGE PER ROUND, IMMUNE POISON OR GET SICK, AC0, ATTACK LIKE 20TH LEVEL FIGHTER, ATTACK CLAW/CLAW 2D12/2D12

3. 4D4 ROUNDS PUNCH DOES 1D10 X 10 DAMAGE, SEE-THROUGH STUFF VISION, FLY AS FAST AS YOU WANT, STRENGTH TO DO ANYTHING, AND CANNOT BE HURT, AND EYES SHOOT FIREBALL BEAMS, AND BLOW A CONE OF COLD, AND FLY AROUND PLANET BACKWERDS TO MAKE TIME REVERST, AND FEEL A LITTLE SAD BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IS LIKE TO BE YOU 😦

4. FOR 2D10 TURNS YU GET IMPROVED INVISABILITY, CAN MAKE INVISIBLE STUFF TO USE (BRIDGES, PILLARS, STAIRS, SWORD) AND MAKEA IN-VISIBLE SHIELD THAT GIVES YOU AC-10. ALSO YOU ARE NOW A CHICK (IF YOU WASNT ALREADY)

5. 4D12 ROUNDS A FANTASTIC POWER OF STRECHING – BECOME A ROPE, SLIP UNDER A DOOR, ATTACK FROM FAR AWAY, CROSS A GAP, AND MORE……………..YOUR IMAGIN

ATION IS IN CHARGE!!!!!!!!1

6. BODY TURNS INTO SOLID MAGINCAL +5 PLATEMAIL. STR IS NOW 18. TOUCH BY RUST MONSTER AND YOU DIE FOREVER. THIS IS FOR 5D20 TURNS.

7) GAIN 400 POUNDS OF GREEN MUSSELS. STRONG ENOUGH TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, A PUNCH IS 1D12 X 10 DAMAGE. JUMP A FEW MILES. NOTHING IS HURT YOU. INT & WIS ARE 4 EACH. ANGER ISSUES (A HOT CHICK WILL SOLVE IT(), FOR 2D8 ROUNDS

8. 8D4 ROUNDS? CAST WEB ALL THE TIME YOU WANT. 16 STR + 18 DEX. NEVER SURPRISED ALWAYS ATTACK FIRST. I GUESS STICK TO WALLS&CEELING TO!

9. IT LASTS 5D6 ROUNDS. SHOOT MAGIC MISSILES FROM YOUR FACE 4 PER ROUND, BUT IF YOU DONT WEAR A HELMET YOU MIGHT SHOOT ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

10.TELEPORT WEHREVER YOU WANT, CHA 3. LASTS UNTIL REMOVE CURSED IS CAST UPON YOU.

11. YOU HAVE A FIRE MADE OF BODY. FLY ALL OVER AT SPEED OF EAGLE, FIREBALL ONCE A ROUND, BURN SHIT UP CONSTANTLY, DICK ATTITUDE. 15 ROUNDS.

12. A SHITTY ROLL…. YOU CAN TALK TO FISH AND MAYB THEY FIGHT FOR YOU BUT WHAT THE HELL IS A CLAM GOING TO DO AGAINST A OGRE ANYSWAY?

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10 Responses to “P IS FOR THIS POTION”

  1. James Says:

    I’m soooo using this!

  2. Arkhein Says:

    A great post – I’ll have to use this table in my game. But I must argue about #12. A clam can spit giant pearls at ogres’ foreheads and stun them, then they can bite the ogres in half with their razor sharp clam fangs, so they might be of some use in a brawl. These are big, agile clams I am talking about, with reverse scuba tanks, not the tiny ones you make into soup, of course.

    – Ark


  3. Re number 12: Does Cthulhu count as a sea creature?

  4. -C Says:

    #3 does it turn you into a fascist? Alignment change to LN maybe? Also should probably lower INT to 8. And Vulnerability to magic.

  5. Strangefate Says:

    I suggest an option that’d give you INT 25 and DEX 20 and a Belt of Holding while making you mourn for the death of your parents for 3d20 Rounds. Also you become highly susceptible to seduction by cat people and clown-related random encounters.


  6. Who won the fight between Doctor Doom and Thulsa Doom?

  7. 1d30 Says:

    I think the spectators won.

  8. Judea Says:

    If I was dnd DM would give permission and receipes the characters.
    Why can’t the PC-s make potions and magic items?

  9. Redhobbit Says:

    This is simply amazing.


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