HROSES

June 16, 2011

THE OUTDOOR ADVENTURE NEEDS SOME HORSES BUT THESE ARE TRICKER CREATURES.  ONE FALSE MOVE AND YOU COULD BE IN A TROU

LETS RIDE!!!!

BLE…!.  HERE IS A CRITICAL HIT CHART FOR THE HORSE…………..WHEN TO ROLL ON IT?  HELL IF I NOW.  MAYBE WHEN YOU ARE RIDING IF THE HORSE GETS STABBED OR PUNCH IN THE FACE BY CONAN OR A RED SLAAD JUMP OUT OR FIRE-BALL COME TO CLOSE OR A PITTRAP OR YOU ROLL A ONE WHEN TRY TO JUMP THE FENCE, SO ROLLA D12 AND CROSS FINGERS:

1. HEY MAN NOT TO BAD! THE HORSE STOPS FOR ONE ROUND TO THINK THING OVER BUT YOU GET CONTROLAG AIN NEXT ROUND.

2.   HORES SAYS “FUCK THIS’ AND TRIES TO TOSS YOU LIKE A SALAD- SAVE VERS. DRAGON BREATH OR TAKE 1D6 DAMAGE AND LAND ON YOUR ASS.

3) DON’T BOTHER SAVE THIS TIME– YOU ALREADY FALL OFF!! TAKE 3D4 DAMAGE BECAUSE HE TRAMPLED YOU AND GOOD LUCK CATCHING HIM.

4) THE HORSE DOES NOT LIKE WHAT IS SEE AND A TURNAROUND IS NOW. GO REVER

SE DIRECTION FULL SPEED FOR 4D4 ROUNDS.

4. CRAZY HORSE IS A BLOODTHRISRTY PRICK!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT FIGHT HE CHARGE RIGHT IN AGAINST THE TOUGHEST ENEMY………HOPE YOU CAN HACK IT, HOTSHOT!

6. NEXT TIME YOU TAKE A BRAKE THE HORSE SPLITS TOWN IN THE MIDDEL OF NIGHT.  THEN HE SPREADS WORD TO ALL THE HORSES OF THE WORLD – YOU ARE A SHITTY MASTER.  NOW NO HORSE WILL SUBMIT TO A RIDE OF YOU…….HOPE YOU LIKE LONG WALKS1.

7. ROUGH RIDE MEANS YOU DROP YOUR COOLEST TOY – VORPAL SWORD, MAGIC 8BALL, FIREBALL WAND, THE DM DESIDES. BETTER GO PICK IT UP QUICK!!!1

8. THE MOST EMBARESSING…….A BATHROOM BRAKE!! YOUR HORSE TAKES A BIG DUMP AND YOU HAVE TO SIT THEIR AND WAIT. ALL YOUR HIRELINKS LAUGH AND THEY TAKE -1 MORAL FOR THE REST OF DAY BECAUE SITTING ON THE POOP HORSE IS NOT A LEADER?!?!?

9. YOUR HORSE PULLS A HAMMY, MOVE IS HALF AND IF YOU BEAT HIM WITH THE FASTER-STICK ROLL AGAIN THREE TIMES AND DO ALL 3 THINGS RESULTS

10. THIS HORSE IS POPULAR AND THE OTHERH ORSES LOOK FOR INSPIRATION. ROLL AGAIN TO FIND WHAT HE DOES, AND THEN ALL THE OTHER HORSES IN SIGHT DO A SAME THING.

11. OH SHIT THATS NOT A HORSE ITSA DOPPLEGANGLER! FIGHT!!!!

12. HORSE EXPLOSDES, TAKE 6D6 DAMAGE AND SAFE VS. DRAGON BREATH OR YOU ON FIRE FOR 1D6 EACH ROUND UNTIL STOP-DROP-AND-ROLL. NOW YOU NEED A NEW HORSE, PARD-NER!

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7 Responses to “HROSES”

  1. James Smith Says:

    I just figured out why all the typos. You’re laughing too hard why you’re writing this stuff!

    Oh, god! That was funny as hell!!!

  2. Zak S Says:

    There are no typos. Once Joesky writes it, that’s the wya it’s spleled forevre

  3. TrentB Says:

    HORSE EXPLOSDES.

    FUCKING YES.

  4. ragnorakk Says:

    since I am totally a hero, does this count for my pegasus & unycorn too?

  5. Carter Soles Says:

    “Bathroom Brake” is my favorite result — it’s the simple pleasures!

  6. Erin Says:

    SITTING ON THE POOP HORSE IS NOT A LEADER

    True that.


  7. When’s your supplement coming out?


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