CURE FOR CONNAN HATERS

August 5, 2011

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!?!?1  OLNY TWO MORE WEEK UNTIL CONAN BARBARIAN MOVIE……………………………..I JUST POOPED A LITTLE (FROM EXSITEMENT) OF THINK ABOUT IT.  BUT STILL SO

ME PEOPLE ARE NOT CONVICED OF A GOODTIME.  WHAT ARE THE EYES COLORS?  IS HE TO MUSSELS?NOT ENOUH MUSSLES?SOME OTHER THINKS?

LUCK FOR US THEIR IS A ANSER TO ANY PROBLEM!
!  IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE A PROBLEM ENJOY CONAN BARBARIAN JUST DRINK TWO OF THIS BEFFORE THE SHOW AND EVERY-THING WILL BE FINE:

NO PROLBLEM TO BIG TO HANDLE

SERIOUS THESE FUCKERS WORK CHARM!!  DRINK TWO AND CONAN WILL BE THE BEST MOVIE SEE YOU ALL MONTH.  DRINK FOUR AND I COULD PLAY A WHITEWOLF GAME, WITH NO COMPLAINTING.  DRIN KTEN AND SAY GOODBY TO FAMILY+JOB WITH LAUGHING AND A MIDDLE FINGER.  DRINK 15+ NO JAIL CAN HOLD YOU  BUT PROBALY YOU WILL WAKE UP WITH SHIT PANTS AND ONLY 1HP REMAINING.

I WILL ENJOY CONAN MOVE NO MATTER WHAT BUT I WILL DRINK 2-3 TALLBOYS ANYWAY.  IF YOU HAVE HOBBITBLADDER OR OGRE-PROSTRATE GLAND AND PISS PROBLEMS GALORE, BRING A FLACKS OF GIN INSTEAD FOR INSTEAD.  OR SNIFF PAINT.

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THE NEXT TIME A SEX HAPPINS TO ME I WILL WEAR THE BIG MICKEY MOUSEFEET SLIPPERS MY AUNT GAVE ME 12 YEAR SAGO AND GO TO TOWN!!  THAT IS THE ONLY FURRY COSTUME I HAVE I WISH I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER 😦

OR IF MONDAY ROLLS AROUND AND THEIR IS NOT SEX THEN I WILL SCEDULE SOME ALONE TIME WITH THUNDER-CATS ON TV.

SHITS GOING DOWN ON MONDAY!!!!

THE VAMPIRE TEETHS NECKLACE MEANS BUSINESS!!!

A LOT OF TALKING IS ABOUT THE CONNAN MOVIE THAT IS SOON…….SOME IS GOOD TALK, SOME IS DICK TALK- BUT HERE IS SOME THINGS TO REMEMEBR:

THIS IS A ACTUAL MOVIE OF CONAN.  YOU GO TO A MOVIE PLACE WITH LOTS OF OTHER CONAN FANS AND THEIR IS A GIANT SCREEN AND ON THERE IS A GUY WITH SWORDS THAT IS GOING TO STAB LOTS OF PEOPLE INTHE FASE!!!! PLUS HE IS GOING TO MAKE OUT WITH SOMEH OT CHICKS AND I BET ONE OR TWO OF THOSE GETS STABBED TO. PROBALY THEREIS SHOUTING AT THE SCREEN “”LOOK OUT FOR GINANT SNAKES CONAN!!  CHOP THE WIZARDS HEAD’!!!!NOT A OLD MOVIE.  NOT A SCI-FY CHANNEL MOVIE. NOT A CLIP ON YOUTUBE.  NOT A DREAM…………………………….A REAL MOVEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

VAMPIRE NECKLACE – CHECK

ELVES–  NOT A FUCKING CHANCE

PUNCHING -MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDL

AND THE BEST? FOR THE REST OF LIFE IS THE ARGUMINT ‘WHO WOULD WIN? ARNOLD CONAN OR MOMOA CONAN?” A BARSTOOL, A PBR TALLBOY, AND A PREFECT STRANGER NEXT TO YOU AND YOU HAVE A CONVERSASION FOR A COUPLE HOURS.!!

A CONAN MOVIE THOUGHTS

January 17, 2010

http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2010/01/pain-continues.html

http://www.thecimmerian.com/?p=10175#more-10175

ALOT OF TALKING ABOUT A NEW CONAN MOVIE, AND HERE IS MY TWO DOLLARS.

FIRST OF OFF I AM VERY EXCITED TO HAVE A NEW MOVIE!!!  IT WILL NOT BE ASG OOD AS THE     FIRST ONE BECAUES THAT IS IMPOSSITE!! (WE ALL KNOW THIS IS TRUE))  IT MIGHT NOT HAVE EVERY THING THAT I THINK IT MUST HAVE TO BUT THAT IS OK-AY; IF IM NOT THE ONE MAKE AND PAY FOR THE MOVIE, THEAN I DONT TO GET CALL ALLL THE SHOT!!!!!!!!!1

OF ALL OF THINGS IAM LEAST WORRY ABOUT IS THE ACTOR OF CONAN- IT DOES NOT REALY MATTER WHO IS CONAN, ONCE YOU PUT O NTHE LOINSCLOTH AND THE VAMPIRE TEETH NECKLICE AND THE BIG SWORD, THE SPIRIT OF CONAN IS PUT IN YOU – THE ANGER FIRES UP, A BRAWL MUST HAPPEN, AND SOME DUDES WILL GET THEMSELF STABBED IN THE FASE!  EVEN MICHAEL SERA CAN PLAY A CONAN SO THIS IS NOT A WORRY.

CROM LAHFFS AT YOUR FOUR WINDS!!!!!!!

THE DIRECTER IS WHO?  I DO NOT NOW HIM BUT IF HE CAN POINT A CAMERA AT A HEAD WHEN A AXE CUTS IT OFF, THEN HE WILL DO JUST FIEN.  ALSO MUST BE COMFORTABAL TO FILM LARGE SNAKES  !

IF ANYHTING TO WORRY ABOUT IS PRODUCER AVY LERNER.  THIS CREEP DOESNT NICKLE-AND-DIME PEOPEL CBECAUSE THAT KIND OF MONEY IS TO EXTRAVEGANT!!!!  HE WOULD RATHER PENNY-AND-PEICE OF STRING THEM!! /AS LONG AS HE FINDED THE PEICE OF STRING ON THE GROUND SO IT DID NOT COST HIM ANYTHING)  HE MIGHT DECIDE REAL FAKE BLOOD IS TOO EXPENSE SO HE WILL ONLY BYE KATCHUP!!!?!??!  THER EWOULD BE THE DISASTER.

I WILL WAITE TO SEE THE MOVE THAT COMES OUT AND WHEN I GO I WILL HAVE A SPIRIT OF LOOKING FOR THINGS THAT I LIKE AND NOT GET EXCITE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I DONT LIKE.  I THINNK SOME PEOPEL ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING TO THE MOVIE JUST SO THEY CAN BE THE FIRST ONE TO TEXT “OMFG THE ACTOR IS A SISSY!  THIS IS SO DUMB BECAUSE THE BAD GUY HAS SCALE MALE AND EVERBODY KNOWS THAT BANDED MALE HAS LESS ENCUMBERANCE WTF !!!!  CONAN SHOULD NOT HAVE A HUGE MUSLE LIKE THAT HE IS A THEIF HOW CAN HE MOVE SILENT TO BACKSTAB IF YOU CAN HEAR HIS BICEPS BULGING???!” 

EVERYONE:”JOESKY YOU ARE THE DUNGEON BRAWLER: YOU SHOULD ARGUE TO MAKE PEOPEPL FIGHT OVER THIS!”

JOESKY: NO A MOVIE IS NOT FOR A FIGHT.DONT HAVE A BAD TIME BECAUSE A IMAGINARY PERSON IS NOT THE SAME AS YOUR IMAGINATION, JUST HAVE SOME FUN WITH HIM ANYWAY!!!!

OKAY WE ARE HAVING A TOUGH TIME ALL GET TOGETHER TO PLAY, SO I AM DOING A TOP 10 LIST OF MONSTERS LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE IS!!  THIS IS THE LIST OF THE TOP 10 BRAWLING MONSTERS THEY MIGHT NOT ALL BE THE TOUGHEST BUT THEY LIKE TOO FIGHT-

10. IRON GOLEM

iron-golem-pic

THIS GUY IS ALMOST TO BIG TO COUNT FOR THE LIST, BUT STILL- HE NOT ONLY CAN PUNCH THE HELL OUT OF YOU, HE WILL JUST PICK YOU RIGHT AT AND LAUGH IN YOUR FACE ABOUT IT! MINE DO NOT HAVE SOWRDS THOUGH………..

9.   OWLBEAR

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A BEAR IS TOUGH OPPONENT.  A BEAR WITH THE SPEED AND CUNNING OF A OWL IS A REAL HAND FULL!!!!!!!

8. MIMIC

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1ST LEVEL PLAYER: OKAY, I SERCH THE TREASURE CHEST.  WHAT DO I FOUND?

DM JOESKY: OK, YOU FOUND DEATH BECAUSE THE TREASURE CHEST JUST PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE.  PLEAESE ROLL A NEW CHARACTER.

7. DWARF

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ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?    YOU MUST BE LOOK AT ME, THEIR IS NO ONES ELSE HERE???!?!?!?!

6. BUGBEAR

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LIKE I SAID A BEAR IS TOUGH.  A BEAR PLUS OWL IS TOUGHER.  A BEAR WITH THE SKILL OF A BUG IS THE WORST.  MY BUGBAERS ALSO HAVE POISON, LIKE LOTS OF BUGS IN THE REAL WORLD DOES.

5. HILL GIANT

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THEIR AR ELOTS OF GIANTS TO CHOOSE FROM, BUT I THINK JUST THE HILL GIANT IS THE BEST.  ITS NOT TO BIG TO BE OUT OF CONTROL, BUT BIG ENOUGH THAT NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO GET IN A FIGHT WITH ONE.  THEY ARE THE SMALLEST GIANT, SO THEY HAVE KIND OF A ATTITUDE ABOUT THAT,ALSO.

4. TROLOGDYTE

trog-pic

TROGDOLYTES ARE THE RETARDS OF THE JUNGLE.  THEY SEEM FINE BUT THEN YOU GET THEM MAD AND THEY ATTAKC YOU WITH THERE CRAZY RETARD STRENGTH AND THEN THEY SPIT ON YOU (WHICH HAPENS IN A LOT OF BRAWLS!!!!1).  THIS ONE IS PLAYING BASEBALL (WAS THIS INVENTED YET????)

3. OTYUGH (SP?)

otyugh

WHEN I WRITE THIS THE SPELLING DOES NOT LOOK RIGHT.  ANYWAYS THEY HAS THREE ARMS TO PUNCH YOU WITH, PLUS THEY LIVE IN THE GARBAGE LIKE OSCAR GROUCH, AND EVERYONE NOWS HE LIKES TOO FIGHT!!!!  I THINK LIVING IN THE GARBAGE MAKES YOU A BAD MOOD………

2. OGRE

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A OLDY BUT A GOODIE!!!!   !!!  DOES ANY ONE LIKE A FIGHT MORE?  IN MY GAME THEY DO NOT USED WEAPONS, THEY JUST HAVE A ROLL OF GOLD COINS IN THEY’RE FISTS LIKE WE DO ON THE STREETS (I USE A ROLL OF QUARTERS, NOT GOLD COINS).  SO THEN IF YOU CAN BEAT HTEM, THERE TRESURE IS THE GOLD COINS.

1. CONAN

conan-pic

YOU AR ENOT THINK HE IS A MONSTER?  THOSE DUDES IN THE PIT THINK HE IS A MONSTER.  THE WITCH CHICK WHO TRIED TO BONE HIM THINK HE IS A MONSTER.  THE GINAT SNAKE THINK HE IS A MONSTER.  THULSA DOOMS TWO BODYGARDS THINK HE IS A MONSTER.  THULSA DOOM THINK HE IS A MONSTER, TO.  CONAN IS A STRIGHT KILLER, TO FIGHT HIM IN A BRAWL IS TO HOPE THAT YOU WILL ONLY WAKE UP SEVERAL HOURS LATER AFTER SEEING STARS AND COOCOO BIRDS!  PROBABLYHE WILL STAB YOU TO DEATH AND MAKE A CONQUEST OF YOUR DEAD BODY, SO EXPECT A HEAVY HEART AND TO TO ROLL SOME NEW STATS.

THE BEST EVER!!

April 4, 2009

I THINK WE ALL NOW THIS IS TRUE!!  GIANT MAN- CHECK!  GIANT SOWRD? -CHECK!  ADMIT IT.. YOU WANT TO BE CONAN (NOT THE WIMPY CHINA WIZARD GUY 😦

arnold-schwarzenegger-conan-the-barbarian-c101020511

THE TEETH ON HIS NECKLASE ARE REAL VAMPIRE FANG (THE BLOOD IS PROBALY A SPECIAL AFFECT!!)