I THINK THE NEW D &D IS SOON COME SOON AND THEIR IS SOME SCAIRT PLAYERS HERE. WHAT IS DEATH? HOW CAN I NOT GET IT? THESE ARE QESTIONS ASK SINCE THE DON OFTIME……………………….WHO HAS THE ANSWERS???!!?!!1?!??

NO ONE HAS THE ANSERS OF DEATH FOR REAL WORLD EXCEPT THE UNDERTAKER AND PAUL BEARER, BUT I THINK I HAVE

THE ANSER OF DEATH FOR THE D & D WORLD, INCLUDING GRAYHAWK AND MSYTARA (BUT NOT KRYNN). THIS IS BECAUE MY PLAYERS HAVE AN EXTRA STAT —

WHERES THE FOOD

D&D PLAY IS A HUNGRY TIME– LOTS OF HOURS AND THE TUMMY MAKES A GRUMBLE, AND WHEN THE TUMMY GRUMBLES THE MOUTH GRUMBLES TO AND ANGRY WORDS COME OUT. THE  DM WORDS ARE USUAL “OOOPS YOU WALK INTO A INVISIBLE CLOUD OF POYSON AND THERE IS NO SAVING THROW, GOODBYE IM GOING TO TACO BELL.” GAME OBVER, BRO. ALL BECAUSE I GOT HUNGRY AND NO ONE HOOKED ME UP.

SO MY PLAYERS NOW TO BRING ME FOOD AND I GRADE THE FOOD AND THAT IS THEIR CHARACTER SCORE OF (W)HERES (T)HE (FOOD. A ROUGH IDEA IS THIS:

FOOD                                                   ABILITY SCORE WTF                                                PREVINT DEATH BONUS

FUNYUNS                                                          0                                                                              FUCK OFF FROM MY FACE

8 OZ. BAG PRETZEL                                        3                                                                               YOU HAVE 1HP AND ARE IMUNE TO HEALING

HOTDOG WITH NO TOPPINGS                    4                                                                          ALL HITS OF YOU ARE CRITICAL

MCDONOLDS                                                    5-8                                                                           IF TARGET IS RANDOM TARGET IS ALWAYS YOU

DEL TACO, OR PIZZA                                 9-12                                                                         NOTHING, TRY HARDER

6+ THINGS FROM AM/PM                         13-16                                                                                      ROLL SAVES TWICE AND TAKE THE WON YOU WANT

PORK PAD SEE YOU OR A BOCKS FULL OF COSTCO STUFF     17                           YOU HAVE ALL TROLL POWERS

LARGE BAG OF TACOBELL HOLDING    18                                                                    10 FATE POINTS LIKE IN WARHAMMER

SO A TIPICAL PLAYER MIGHT BE:

  • STR 17
  • INT 8
  • WIS 13
  • DEX 16
  • DEX 15
  • CHA 17 (HANSOME DEVIL!!!!
  • WTF 4

AT FIRST SITE YOU GO “HMMM THIS GUY IS A TOUGHIE AND SOME FASES IN THE DUNGEON WILL GET STABBED!!!” BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK…….. SOMETHING NOT LOOKS TO GOOD…….. DO…… YOU SEE WHAT I’M AM TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!? THATS RIGHT THIS GUYS WHERES THE FOOD STAT IS TERRIBLE!! THATS LIKE A 7-11 BURRITO OR SOMETHING. IN KEEP ON THE BORTERLAND THIS IS THE GUY HOW FALLS INTO THE KOBOLD PIT AND NEVER COMES BACK OUT.

NOW LET A DEMONSTRASION OF CONTRAST HERE:

  • STR 6
  • INT 7
  • WIS 11
  • DEX 9
  • CON 4
  • CHA 12
  • WTF 18

DOES THESE ROLES OF STATS LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU? IF THEY DUE PROBABLY YOU ROLLED THEN AND SAID “FUCK YOU DICE!!” AND SOME DICE GOT THROWED ACROSSED THE ROOM (I HAVE DESTROYED SEVERAL DICE THIS WAY 😦 ) BUT WAIT A SECOND…………. A CLOSER LOOK SAYS THIS GUY WILL CUT THREW THE DUNGEON LIKE A TORNADO GUN. WHERES THE FOOD = 18 JACKPOT!!!!! HOMEBOY BROUGHT TACO BELL 12-PAK + BOX OF SLIM JIMS FROM COSTCO + 2 LITRE BUDWEISER CLAMATO!!!!!!! IN KEEP ON THE BORDELAND THIS IS THE GUY WHO UNTES THE THE CAVES OF CHAOS AND BURNS THE KEEP DOWN TO THE GROUND AFTER STEAL ALL THE JEWLES AND TRESURE.

SO IF DEATH MAKES YOU PEEPANTS JUST REMEMEBR………… “HMMM I WILL STOP AT TACO BELL BEFORE THE GAME AND NOW I AM A GOD!!!!1”

THANKYUO FOR BRING ING FAT BURGER EXECUSIONER!!!!

THANKYUO FOR BRING ING FAT BURGER EXECUSIONER!!!!

NO FOOD?? EXECUSIONER YOU WANT OPEN CASKIT OR CLOSE.......??

NO FOOD?? EXECUSIONER YOU WANT OPEN CASKIT OR CLOSE…….??

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CARCOSA RACES: DOLM

August 6, 2012

(I DONT KNOW WHAT DOLM LOOKS LIKE SO HERE IS A DRAW OF CONAN). DOLM DUDES WANDER THE PLACE TRY TO PEACE TOGETHERT HE LOST LEARNING AND REUBUILT A CIVILAZATION OF GOOD. THEY KNOW A LOT OF EVERYTHING AND THEY ARE PEACEFUL PEOPLE WHICH MEANS THEY GET A PASS FROM MOST EVERY ONE ELSE, EXCEPT FOR TOTAL DICKS. AND MOST SORCERERS LOVE TO FUCK WITH THEM.

QUALIFY: LAWFUL ALIGN, 12 INT, 12 WIS

XP                                         LEVEL                                        HD

0                                           1 NERD                                        1

1700                                  2 BOOKWORM                           2

3200                                  3 [POLLYANNA                       2+1

6800                                  4 MARTAR                                 3

12000                                5 DOGOODER                             4

24000                               6 HELPER                                   4+1

48000                               7 PROGRESIVE                         5

90000                               8 KINDA ANNOYING            6

180000                            9 LEIBOWITS                              6+1

SAVES: LIKE A CLERIC

STRICTIONS: NO HEAVY ARMOR, GOOD ATITUDE ALL THE TIME

EACH EVENS LEVEL OF YOU GET A NEW POWER YOU MAY CHOOSE:

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTRPLACE: EVERY TIME YOU VISIT A NEW COMMUNITY FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING BETTER ON A 1D10 ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL: FIX THE WATER SO YOU DONT SHIT POOP OUT YOUR BUTT NON-STOP FROM DRINKING, TEACH CROP ROTAITION, LEARN THEM HOW TO PRESERVE JAMS & JELLIES, OR WHATEVER. THIS MAKES YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS PRETTY POPULAR WITH THOSE FOLKS, AND THEN YOU AND YOUR DM FIGURE OUT HOW THAT WORKS IN THE GAME. IF YOU FALE YOUR ROLL AND CAN NOT HELP ERVREYBODY IS ALL “THANKS FOR NOTHING??!” AND SOME SNOTTY LOOKS ARE FOR YOU.

WORLSD TRAVELLER: GET A NEW LANGUAGE. CHOSE MORE T HAN ONCE.

FRENDLY: +1 CHA BECAUSE YOU RELATE TO OTHER PERSPRECTIVES. TAKE IT AGAIN IF YOU WANT, FRENDLY PERSON!

NEVER SICK: GOOD HIGENES + SMART GUY DOCTOR KNOWHOW MEANS NO SICKIES FOR YOU!! EVEN GOOD VS. MUMMYSHITS AND DISEASED GUARDIEN PUKING.

CARCOSA CLERIC: TEND TO SOMEONE IF THEY ARE RESTING AND EACH DAY THEY HEAL 1HD EACH DAY YOU ROLL UNDER LEVEL ON 1D10. CAN ONLY HEAL 2HD PER WEEK PER BUDDY THIS WAY. YOU DON’T GET NO REST WHILE YOU DO THIS, SO NO HEALS FOR YOU. AND YOU SHOULD FIND THE PORPER SUPPLIES TO DO (SMELLY WEEDS, CLEAN WATER, CLAP HANDS AND RUB FAST LIKE MIYAGI, SOME MORE.)

A NEW WORLD: START A SETTALMENT AT LEVEL 6 IF YOU WANT. ATTRACT 1D6 NICE PEOPLE PER CHA POINT, ALL COLORS OF THE RAINBOW CO-ALITION FLOCKT TO YOUR COMMMNUNITY: ADD ANOTHER 1D12 PEEPS IF YOU ALOW GAYS FOR MARRYING: LOOK AT THE PORFESSION LIST FROM ANY FANTASY GAME AND CHOOSE 1D6 HELPFUL ONES, EVERYONES ELSE IS JUST A MUSHROOM FARMER, PUDDING HERDER, OR SCRAP COLLECTER. WORK THE REST OUT WITH DM, A GOOD HOMEBASE?TRY TO MAKE A NEW WOLDR.THE DOWNSIDE: THESE PLACES ARE A ASSHOLE MAGNET, YOUR HAPPY PLACE IN #1 ON THE LIST FOR TOTAL DICKS TO BEGIN THE CAMPAINE OF BLOODSHED, SO HIRE SOME MERCS OR HAVE SOME GUNS READY.

DR DOOLITLE: YOU TOOKED PITY ON A LITTLE INJURED SPAWN OF SHUB-ZIGGURAT, YOUR TENDER HEALING TURNED IT FROM BAD TO GOOD. NOW ITS YOUR PET. GENERATE RANDOM EXCEPT ITS SMALL, ONLY 1D3HD. BETTER NOT LET THE TOWNIES SEE IT, THEY WO’NT UNDERSTAND………….

STUDY BRAKE: IN YOUR TRAVELS YOU HAVE LEARNT OF SECRET PLACES FROM TOMES OF KNOWING: ROLL A RANDOM CITADEAL ON THE CARCOSA MAP, YOU KNOW HOW TO GET IN SECRET IN THERE.

GOOD KARMA: YOU HELPED SOMEONS LITTLE SIS/TER OUT OF

A TOUGH SCRAPE, THE PAYBACK IS THE FAMILY WANTS TO HELP YOU BACK. ROLL A RANDOM VILLAGE ON THE CARCOSA MAP, THAT VILLAGE WILL DOSOM E COOL STUFF FOR YOU.

EAR TO THEFLOOR: YOU GET THE BEST RUMERS, ON THE ADVENTURE BUST OUT ONE BONUS: KEY TO A LOCK DOOR, GET A AMBUSH ON A WANDERING MONSTER, FIND THE NEXT SECRET DOOR, GET A FREND REACTION FROM SOME HOSTILES, OR FIGURE OUT SOME MORE.

TEACHER: YOU ATTRAC A YOUNG SAGE-IN-TRAINING, JUST KEEP HER FED AND SHE HELPS OUT CARRY STUFF, ONE AREA OF EXPERTISSE, UNLIKLY CURAGE WHEN NEEDED MOST.

ARCADE KNOWLIDGE: YOU NOW SOME WEIRD SHIT. STUN 1D ROUNDS A GREAT RACE, PRIMONIAL ONE, OR SPACE ALIEN WITH YOUR UNEXPECTED NOWHOW (A HUMAN KNOWS THIS WTF??????!!??!? IS THE REACTION, THEN A QUIETTIME TO THINK “HOW IS THIS SO??’). WORKS ONLY ONE TIME ON A TARGITS, NOT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ANDOVER & OVER AN

D OVER………………………… AND OVER AND OVER…………………

CARCOSA RACE IS CLASS

August 5, 2012

A LONGTIME GONE, NO THANKYOU TO YOU ORANGE COUNTRY SHERRIF DEPT.!!!!! BUT A GOOD TIME TO THINK, BREW BOOZE IN TOILET, AND SOME CARCOSA ISDEAS. ONLY TWO CLASSES????!?!?1…….. NO WAY GIMME MORE!!!! SO NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE FIGHTMAN OR SORCERER, GO FOR IT ANY COLOR CAN BE FINE. BUT ALSO EVERY COLOR RACE IS A CLASS AND HEAR ARE MY FIRST TWO:

PRETENT HE IS ORANGE………………….

ORANGEMENS ARE LORDS OF THE DINOSAUR, LIKE IRISH IS LORDS OF THE DANCE. THEY GROW, HUNT, TRANE, KILL, MAKE FRENDS WITH DONOSAUR LIKE IT NO PROBLEM. YOU GOT A DINSAR PROBLEM, ASK THESE DUDES (AND CHICKS TOHELP).

QUALIFY: STR 13+

XP                          LEVEL                                              HD

0                             1 DINOHELPER                             1+1

2500                     2 EGGSITTER                                 2

5000                    3 THUGASAURUS                        3+1

10000                  4 HOORIDER                                 4

2000 0                5 OG                                                   5+1

40,000               6 DINORAUDER                           6

80000                 7 SHOTCALLA                             7+1

150000              8 MACKDADDY                            8+2

300000              9 T-WRECKS N EFFECTER      9+3

EVERY NEXT LEVEL JUST DOUBLE THAT SHIT………………………..

SAVING THORWS: LIKE A FIGHTERMAN

SPECIAL ABILITIES AT LVL. 1: TOUGH SKIN IS AC-1, TRACK DINOS LIKE A RANGER, RANGER SURVIVLE SKILLS (IF YOU DONT HAVE RANGERS, MAKE STUFF UP)

EVERY 2 LEVELS (2,4,6 8, 10…… 14, 15, 16, 18……THE REST) PICK A COOL POWER:

RAGE OF THE LIZARD KING: YOU UN-ARMED ATTACK AT 2 PER ROUND 1D6 EACH. CALL SOME COOL HITS: HEADBUTT, DICKKICK, TOOTH STAB, WHATEVS. BUT ON A HIT ROLL=1, YOU TAKE 1D6 CAUSE YOU PUNCHED/KICKED WRONG.

MONSRTER TAMER: SPECIAL WRAPPER WITH THE DEADLIEST CATCHES: T-REX, GODZILLA, VELOWRAPTER, ANYTHING KNOWN AS KILLER LIZARD. +10% TO CALM AND CAPTUER……. I DIDN’T HAVE DINOSAUR CALM & CAPTURE RULES YET, SO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL THIS MEANS ON YOUROWN. YOU CAN TAKE THESE TAMEING ONES MORE THAN ONCE.

SQWAWKKK!!!: CALL A TERRODACTAL NOISE, IF ONE IS NEARBY IT WILL COME AND YOU LEVEL X5% IS THE PERCENT CHANCE YOU CAN RIDE IT TO ONE PLACE FOR A DROP OFF (GIVE A GOOD TIP AND YOU GET +5% TO NEXT TRY). SUCH A SQWAAAWKK HURTS THE THROAT, ONE PER WEEK ONLY.

BIG GUYS LIKE YOU: BRONTOSARS, DIPLO-DOCTUS, ALL THE BIG ONES LIKE YOU +1-0% CALM-CAPTURE. GOOD FOR LONG RIDES, PULL HEVY STUFF, IMPRESS GIRLS.

INDIAN RUNNER: NEVER TIRE FROM THE HUNT. DOUBLE MOVE RATE WILDERNESS IF NO ARMOR, NOT ENCUMBER, AND ALONE OR OLNY WITH OTHER ORNAGES WITH THIS POWER.

QUEER EYE: NOW HOW TO MAKE DINO SADDLES, GOGGLES, WHIP, DINORIDER OUTFITS, ACSESSERIES, BOOTS, ALL FABULOUS (COLORS OF THE RAINBOW). SELL FOR GOOD MONEY.

HARD ASS: STR+1, YOU WANT TO TAKE IT A BUNCH OF TIMES FINE I DONT CARE.

WEERDO MAGNET: +10% CALM AND CAPTURE THE WEIRD DINOSUARS LIKE ANKLESAURUS, STEGOTOPS, TRICERTOPS, DUCKFACE, THAT OTHER ONE, SOME OTHERS. ALL THE CREEPY LOOK ONES.

SAVIGE ROAR: ROAR LIKE DINO, STUN ENEMIE IN 30′ IF THEY FAIL SAFE VS. SPELLS AND YOUR LEVEL MINUS THEIR LEVEL IS THE MODIFLIER.

KITERUNNER: +10% TAME FLYING DINOS, YOU KNOW WAHT TO DO WITH THE REST. TAKE ANY TAMEING ONE AS MUCH AS WANT.

LOVE DOES NOT COMPUTE

BLACKMEN ARE THE ROBOTPOEPLE OF CARCOSA. THEY CAN SURPRESED THERE HUMANITY SIDE, PERFORM MATH GOOD, AND NO EMOSHUNS. THE RULER OF THEM: A COPUTER INTELLIGENTS DEEP INSIDE THE PLANET – EVERY BLACKMANS VILLAGE HAS A SPECIAL COMM-UNI-CATORER THAT LINKS THEM TO THIS INTELLIGENTS AND GIVES ADVISE, TELLS SECRETS, AND MAKES PLANS. BUT THE COMPUTER DOES NOT GIVE THEM TECHNOS MUCH, IT TELLS THEM GHOW TO LIVE IN HARMINY WITH WORLD LIKE NO-EMOSHUN HIPPIES OR SOMETHING……………….WHAT KIND OF COMPUTER IS THIS????!??!

QUALIFY: ANYBODY

XP                                                            LEVEL                                                   HD

0                                                               1 FLOPPY DISK                                  1

2200                                                       2 PROTOCOL DROIT                        2

4400                                                       3 TWEEKEY                                        3

8800                                                       4 ROBO-BRO                                       4

170,00                                                   5 PROGRAMMER                            5

34000                                                     6 ANDROID                                      6

68000                                                     7 DIGITEER                                     7

120000                                                  8 BORG                                                8

240000                                                 9 MEGABYTER                               9

AND DOUBLE, AND DOUBLE, AND DOUBLE……………………………. (WITH +1 HP EACH TIME)

SAVE LIKE: THIEF

SPECIAL ABILITIES: START W/ 2 EXTAR LANGUAGES, +1″ MOVE, START ONE ITEM OF NOT-WEAPON TECH (10′ TITANIUM POLE, IPOD, RAD SENSER, OR ANOTHER)

PICK A CANDY PIECE EVERY EVEN-NUMBER LEVEL YOU GET:

ASPECT OF MASHINE: YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF COMPLETELY NON-HUMAN IN NATURE, ANALICTICAL LIKE A MASHINE. INSANITY, LOGIC, & FEAR DO NOT EFFECT YOU. IF A SORCERAR USE YOUINA RITUAL IT FAILS AND THE SORCERER IS FUCKED AND YOU GET AWAY SCOT FREE AND ARE ALLOWED A SINGLE SATISFIED CHUCKEL, THEN BACK TO POKER FACE MR. SPOCK.

ROBOT WISPERER: IS A ROBOT A DICK TO YU? START TALKING AT IT AND ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL ON 1D10 AND IF THAT WORKS YOU CONVINTS IT TO GET WITH YOUR PROGRAM (LIKE CHARMMO NSTER FOR 1D100 ROUNDS). IF YOU CAN GET IT TO A BLACKMANS VILLAGE TO TALK TO YOUR COMPUTER GOD WITHIN 2D4 DAYS, THE AFFECT IS PERMANINT AND NOW HE IS YOUR BUDDY THICK & THIN.

WISDOM OF AGES: +1 WIS, BECAUSE TO LIVE IN HARMINY WITH THE PLANET IS THE BEST WAY TO GO. PICK THIS AS MANY TIMES AS WANT.

DOT HE ROBOT: MAKE PANTIES/LOINCLOUTS DROP. TARGET GETS SAVE V. SPELLS YOUR LEVEL IS NEGATIVE MODFIDIER.

RIDDLER: IN A SITUATION OF TALKING (NEGOTIASHIN, INTERAGASHIN…..) YOU CAN MAKE A CLEVER RIDDLE THAT TRICKS PEOPLE TO HELP YOU. BUT YOU HAVE TO SAY IT OUTLOUD TO THE DM FOR IT TO WORK. DM NPC: “WE WILL NOT GIVE YOUTHE SPACE ALIEN GUN… WE WANT IT.” YOU: “ARE YOU SURE? ISN’T A GUN LIKE 10000 SPOONS WHEN ALL YOU NEED IS A KNIVE… /RAISE EYEBROW/” DM NCP: “I…… HMMMMM… MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT, WE WILL TRADE FOR GOLD!” YOU: “THAT IS MOST LOGICLE.”

TALK TO THE ANIMALS: YOU CAN TALK A LITTLE TO UNINTELIGENT SPAWN OF SHUBIGGURATH. DOESN’T MAKE YOU AUTOMATIC FRENDS, SO A GOOD IDEA IS TOTALK FROM FAR AWAY IS POSSIBLE.

HIPPIE MAGIC: YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SIMPLE HEAL BALM, GROW GOOD WEED, TURN A TOWEL INTO CLOTHES OR A HAMMICK (GET HEALING SLEEP EVEN IN A SHITTY PLACE), SELL GRILLCHEESE SANDWICHES FOR SMALL PROFIT, AND 2X MOVE RATE WHEN CHASED BY COPS.

GEOMITRY HIDER: KNOWS HOW TOO MAKE MANY-ANGLED SHAPES THAT DEFY PROCEPTION. WITH GOODER SUPPLIES (TIN FOIL, ROPE, A HAT, MIRRORS, ECT…) CAN CREATE HIDEY PLACE THAT BLENDS INTO SURROUND. TAKES ONE HOUR TO CREATE PER PERSON TO FIT IN SIDE, GETS ALL BUSTED UP TO SHIT WHEN YOU COME UP OUT OF THERE.

SAD STORY: CAN EXPLAIN LOVE PERFECTLY BUT CANNT FEEL IT. TELL THIS TO A GROUP OF PEOPLE AND YOUR LEVEL X5 IS THE PERCENT CHANCE THEY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP OR MAYBE STUFF.

RAINMAN: SUPER COUNTER-FASTER. COINS, TOOTHPICTS, SANDS ON A BEACH, SUCKERS ON A TENTICLE, YOU NOW HOW MANY INSTANT LEE. FIGURE OUT A WAY OF MAKE THIS POWERR!!!

SOME MORE RACES TO COMING SOON!!!!!!!!1

IF YOU MAKE A POST BLOG THAT IS ONLY A ARGUMETN AND WHEN I READ ITIT MAKES A BLAHBLAH BLAH SOUND, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING FREE AT THE END: NEW COOL RULE, OR A MONSTER(S), OR SOME SPELLS,    OR MAGIC ITEMS OR REGULAR ITEMS THAT ARE DIFFERENT, OR EVEN BETTER A MAP –  AND IT CAN’T BE A LINK JUST TO SOMEP LACE ELSE IN YOU’RE BLOG, IT HAS TO BE NEW AND COOL.

IF YOU DON’T TO DO THAT YOU AUTIMATICALLY LOSE THE ARGUMENT AND THE OTHER GUY IS DECLARED A WINNER, WHICH MEANS YOU JUST WRITED 5000 WORD SFOR NOTHING!!!!1 😦

THIS ALSO COUNTS FOR ARGUMENT RESPONSE’S AND TALKBACKS AND COMMENTS THAT EXSEED 25 WORDS.

THIS POST IS EXCEPTED, BECAUSE I HAD TO MANY PBR TALLBOYS LAST NITE……………I GOT NOTHING RIGHTNOW……………………………………

SORCERER’S MAKE A GOOD BAD GUY- THEY ARE ALWAY UP TO NO GOODAND EVENTHOUGH THEY ARE KIND OF WIMPY THEY ARE UP FOR A GOOD BRAWL IT SEEMS.!!  BUT THE BEST THING ABOUT THEM IS THEY ARE A TRICK……….. JUST WHEN YOU HAVE THEM ON THE ROPE THEY PULL SOME BULLSHIT.  SO HERE IS A QUICK RANDOM TABEL TO REPRESENT WHAT A SORCEROR MAY COME UP WITH WHEN TH ECHIPS ARE DOWN.

IF YOUR BAD GUY IS NOT A SORCERER THIS MAY WORK FOR YOU, HE JUST HAS TO BE THE COMBINATION OF SMART +ANGRY.  ALSOHE SHOUL DBE AT LEASDT 3RD OR MORE LEVEL (NOT JUST A NEWBIE):

SORCERERS DICK MOVE TABLE (ROLL A D12 WHEN THE LOSES HALF HIS HIT POINT):

1. SPIT IN YOUR FACE: A CRAPPY ROLL!!  HE JUST SPIT IN THE FACE OF THE NEXT GUY TO ATTACKED HIM, WHICH MEANS YOU LOSE THE ATTACK BECAUSE ITS GROSS.

2.A TEMPTATION OFFER: “HOLD OFF YOUR ATTACK!!! I HAVE RICHES TO GIVE AND MAYBE HOT CHICKS TOO” – THE OFFER IS VERY TEMPTING AND EVERYONE MUST STOP FOR 2-5 ROUNDS TO CONSIDER……. THE SORCERER USES THIS TIME TO READY A DEVISTATING SPELL (HE WOULD NEVER GIVE THEM RICHES OR CHICKS)

3. JUST A ILLUSION: THE NEXT HIT ON HIM REVEALS THE TRUTH – A ILLUSION WAS MADE!!!  NOW THE ILUSSION IS GONE AND THE REAL SORCERER STEPS OUT TO DO THE BATTLE.

4. ITS A TRAP!:   THE SORCERER RUNS OVER AND PULLS A HIDDIN LEVER – ROLL FOR A RANDOM GOODGUY TO GET HIT ON THE HEAD WITH A CIELING BLOCK FOR 2-12 DAMAGE.

5. A BUNCH OF GUARDS:  THESE GUYS WERE JUST HIDING AROUND THE CORNER AND NOW THE SORCERER YELLS “GUARDSGUARDS HELP ME!!!” AND HERE THEY ARE!!  4-16 LEVEL ZERO FLUNKIES COME POUR INTO THE ROOM, LEATHER ARMOR WITH MACES.

6. A FIERCESOME PET: PICK SOMETHING BIG AND UGLY – GIANT SNAKE, GINAT SPIDER, A POISON TIGER OR A SHARK – AND THE SORCERER JUMPS BACK AND LETS THE PET GET IN THE BRAWL.

7. STINGY-PINKY: JUST LIKE MERCILESS MING HAD IN FLASH GORDON, THE NEXT PERSON THAT COMES IN CLOSE GETS STABBED WITH A LITTLE POISON FINGER NEEDLE: (NO SAVE) VICTIM LOSE 1 POINT OF STR EACH ROUND, WHEN IT IS 0 THEY ARE IN A COMMA, AND AFTER THREE COMMA DAYS THEY DIE: THE SORCERER HAS THE ANTIDOSE AND WILL TRADE IT FOR FREEDOM

8. GRABBED THE GIRL!!- IF THERE IS A GIRL IN THE PARTY THE SORCERER GRABS HER AND HOLD A DAGGER TO HER THROAT AND IS ALL ‘DONT MOVE OR I’LL WILL KILL HER”…….IT’S DEFINATELY GOING TO BE A TRICKEY SITUATION TO GET HER FREE AND HE WILL TRY TO LEAVE WITH HER HOSTAGE, SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO HOTSHOT???  IF THEIR ARE NO GIRLS, HE GRABS THE WEAKEST STR GUY; HE WILL FEEL A LITTLE DISAPPOINT AT GRABBING A GUY INSTEAD OF A GIRL, BUT HE WILL MAKE DO.

9. A LAST ESCAPE: HE STEPS THROUGH A HIDDEN SECRET DOOR OR JUMPS DOWN A SHUTE OR IS GRABBED BY A FRIENDLY TERADACTAL-…….. YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD HIM BUT HE MAKES THE ESCAPE!!!!

10. MINDMELD – THE SORECERER THROWS HIS MIND INTO ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS MIND……… KNOW ONE KNOWS BUT THE BODY MAY BE TAKEN OVER!!!!  OVER NEXT FEW WEEKS, THE SORCERER WILL BEGIN TO INSERT HIMSELF – THE GOOD GUY WILL ACT A LITTLE WEIRD, DO SORCERER THINGS, BUT MOST OF ALL BE INTEREST IN DEAD BODIES (THE SORCERER WILL MAKE A FINAL ESCAPE BY THROWING HIS MIND INTO A DEAD BODY TO RUN AWAY.

11. SELF DESTRUCT: THE SORCERRER LAUGHS AS HE SUMMONS ALL THE MAGIC HE CAN FOR A BIG MAGIC EXPLOSION!!!!!!  EVERYONE HAS ONE MINUTE TO GET AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE THEN BOOOOOOOMMM!!!  SORCERER EXPLODES FOR 1D100 DAMAGE TO ANY WITHIN 100 FEET (SAVE VS. DRAGON BREATH FOR HALF DAMAGE).

12. I’M YOUR FATHER: ROLL RANDOM PERSON TO BE THE FATHER FOR.  A WILD CLAIM BUT CAN IT BE TRUE?? I SAY YES, AND NOW THE PERSON MUST DECIDE- KILL MY FATHER OR RULE THE GALAXY AT HIS SIDE???

MUTATIONS!!!!!!!!

February 7, 2010

I AM HAVING A GOOD TIME READING ABOUT CAMPAINES THAT TAKE PLACE IN THE FUTURE OR ON ANOTHER PLANET: http://planetalgol.blogspot.com/, http://weirdlands.blogspot.com/, http://swordsofathanor.blogspot.com/ AND SO MANY MORE!!!!!  THESE ARE VERY DIFERENT FROM WHAT I AM USE TO, SO I REALLY GET A INSPIRATION FROM THE CREATITIVTY OF THESE GUYS.

NOW I WILL GET MY HANDS WET AND WHAT IS REALLY FUN IS THE FUTURE IS FULL OF RADIATION.  THIS MAKES MUTANTS WHICH MEANS A RANDOM MUTANT CHART!!!1  ALSO I THINK JEFF RENTS http://jrients.blogspot.com/ I THINK SAID HE USES A TON OF MUTATION TABLES SO HERE IS MY TURN (ROLL IF YOU ARE HIT BY A NUKE, WANDER INTO RADIATION, OR THAT TYPE OF THING:

MUTATION TABEL (ROLL A 1D100 TO FIND THE ABILITY)

 1-02 MORE FEET: TWICE AS MANY FEET AS USUAL. INCREASE MOVEMENT 25%.

 03-07 HULKAMANIA: ANGER MAKES YOU VERY STRONG, TURN INTO 18 STRENGTH ONCE A DAY WHEN PISSED (CLOTHES_DESTROYED).

 8-10 PLANT PERSON: MAY PLANT A SEED ONCE PER WEEK THAT WILL GROW OVER NIGHT INTO A SMALLER VERSION OF YOU (AC9, HD1-1, MV15, ATTACK WITH DAGGER ONLY). LOYAL LIKE A FAMILIAR, AND IF YOU CAN KEEP THEM ALIVE YOU HAVE A ARMY OF THEM!!!!

 11-17 COMPUTER BRAIN: KNOWS 4-24 LANGUAGES, CAN MAP INTUITIVLY, REMEMBER EVERYTHING, BUT IF ASKED ‘WHAT IS LOVE?” IS CONFUSED FOR 1-20 ROUNDS (NO SAVE).

18-23 MIMIC A MIMIC: TRANSFROM IN TO A CHEST AND SURPPRISE ATTACK WITH A PUNCHING FIST. CAN HOLD UP TO 1000 COINS WHILE IN CHEST FORMAT.

 24 SPIT ACID BLOOD: RANGE ATTACK OF 20’, BUT LOSING YOUR BLOOD HURTS: TO SPIT A 1D4 DAMAGE LOSE 4HP, A 1D6 DAMAGE LOSE 6HP, A 1D20 DAMAGE HURTS YOU FOR 20HP, ECT… SPITING 1HP OF BLOOD CAN WRECK A LOCK, WEAKEND A PRISON BAR OR CREATE A PEEPHOLE.

 

25-28 MADE OF GLASS: IMMUNE TO LASERS/ERERGY WEAPONS BUT TAKES TRIPLE DAMAGE FROM HAMMERS AND FALLING.

29-36 ARE WHAT YOU EAT: EATING A ANIMAL OR PERSON TURNS YOU INTO THAT FOR 1D6 DAYS (ALL STATS BECOME THE ANIMAL BUT YOU KEEP YOUR MIND). GOTTA EAT THE WHOLE THING, SO BECOME A DINOSAUR WILL TAKE SEVERLA MEALS.!!!

 37-38 CRY RUBIES: CAN MAKE 100-1000GP OF RUBIES A WEEK. ALWAY SHAVE MONEY,BUT IF ANYONE FINDS OUT YOU WILL BE HUNTED FOR SURE.

 39-42 SHED SKIN: ONCE A WEEK YOU SHED YOUR HOLE SKIN…… IF SOMEONE ELSE PUTS IT ON THEY LOOK JUST LIKE YOU.

 43 WALLCRAWLER: STICKY HANDS AND FEET MEAN YOU CAN SCAMPER UP WALLS, EVEN HOLD ONTO THE CIELING! MUST ROLL UNDER STR ON 3D6 IF YOU WANT TO DROP SOMETHING.

 44-49 GELATINOUS DUDE: IMMUNE TO HITTING/STABBING WEAPONS AND CAN SQUEEZE THREW CRACKS.

 50-51 SEXYTIME ILLUSHONIST: WITH A MENTAL POWER, CAN LOOK LIKE A SEXY ONE OF OPOSITE SEX TO ANY HUMANOID…….USE FOR TRICKERY, BE CARE NOT TO MAKE THIS MIRAGE LOOK TO LONG OR A PREGNENCY/BUTT DISASTER COULD RESULT!!

 51-55 TWO NECKS: TWICE AS HARD TO DECAPATATE.

 56-57 LASER TEETH: ATTACK IS A 1D8 BITE OR FLASH AT OPONANT SO THEY SAVE V. PARALYZE OR BLIND FOR 1-4 ROUNDS. MUST NOT EAT REFLECTIVE FOODS!!?

58-61 MULTIPLE EYES: SPREAD ALL AROUND BODY SO ONLY SURPIRSE ON A 1 IN 6. CONSTANTLY DISTRACTEDBY LOVELY MEN/WOMEN IF THEY ARE AROUND!

 62 SPIKED BODY: BEAR HUG DOES 2D10 DAMAGE BUT NO ARMOR OR CLOTHES FIT.

 63-70 SHELL: CAN WITHDRAW IN A SHELL TO GUARD YOURSELF (AC2 AND -2 TO HIT), BUT ITS LIKE A HERMIT CRAB SO YOU HAVE TO FIND A SHELL YOU FIT INTO AND CAN CARRY ALL AROUND.

 71-073 BECOME STEAM: 3 TIMES PER DAY TURN ALL INTO STEAM FOR 6 TURNS. CANT GET HURT,GO THROUGH AIR VENTILATION, FLY/FLOAT ON WIND, INVISIBLE IN HOT SHOWER.

74-77 EVEN MORE FEET: FOUR TIME AS MANY FEET AS USUAL. INCREASE MOVMENT 50%, MUST SPEND 20GP A MONTH ON SHOES+SOCKS.

 78-80 LITTLE BUDDY: MAYBE A TINY TWIN GROEWS FROM YOUR STOMACH, OR A STUNTED SIAMESE FROM YOUR SHOULDER, WHATEVER WORKS GOOD. LITTLE BUDDY IS PSCIONIC BUT ONLY HAS 1HP SO BE CAREFUL.

 81-85 VERY ROUND: AC IS ONE WORSE BUT +2HP PER HIT DIE. CAN ROLL 24” SPEED DOWNHILL.

86-90THREAT DISPLAY: BIG FRILL OPENS AND EYES BULGE, TONGUE ELONGATES AND WAVES, EARS BLOW STEAM IF ATTCAKED – ATTACKER MUST SAVE VERSUS. SPELLS OR LOSE ATTACK IN FEAR.

 90-93 CROSSBOW ARMS: NO HANDS, CROSSBWS INSTEAD (MUST BUY ARROWS). KEEP TRACK OF COMPLICATIONS FORM NOT HAVING ANY HANDS, LIKE EATING, OPEN DOORS, MASSAGES, AND WHATEVER ELSE.

 94 HALFMAN/HALFHORSE: RIGHT HALF IS A MAN, LEFT HALF IS A HORSE. PERFECT HORSE DISGISE WHEN LOOKED AT FROM THE HORSE SIDE.

95-99 TRANSFORMER: MORE THAN MEET STHE EYES! ROLL ONE MORE TIME. EACH MONTH LOSE SECOND ABILITY AND ROLL FOR A NEW ONE (REROLL A 95-99 RESULT).

 100 SUPERMUTANT: ROLL THREE DIFFERENT ABILITIES AND KEEP THE TWO THAT YOU LIKE BEST.

ANYWAYS GIVE THESE A TRY TO SPICE UP A MUTANT GAME!

NO POSTING FROM ME……. FOREVER IT SEEM SLIKE.  WTF HAPENED???!?!  WELL, IT IS A LONG STORY…..

I HAD SOME HIGH HOPE SFOR “THE FORGETTTING REALMS’ CAMPAINE!!!1  BUT MY GROUP FELL APART EVEN BEFOUR WE GET A CHANCE TO PLAY A ONE SINGEL GAME.  CHUY JOINT THE MARINES AND NOW HE IS IN TRAINING.  HIS FUTURE: IRAN OR SOMETHING AND A LOT OF FIGHTING PROBABLY, SO KEEP HIM IN YOUR’E THOUGHTS (NOT THE COOL FIGHTING WHERE YOU KICK DOWN A DOOR AND STAB A ORC IN THE FACE BUT THE NOT-COOL KIND WHERE YOU SIT AROUND ALL DAY IN THE DESSERT   AND THEN A LITTEL KID WITH A GRENADE HID IN A MANGO BLOWS YOUR NUTS OFF]..  

SKIDS MCGWIRE IS MISSING.  JUST MISSING LIK E NO ONE KNOWS WHERE HE IS.  HE DOES THAT SOMETIME.  LAST YEAR HE DISPEARED FOR A FEW MONTH THEN WE SEE HIM IN TIME SQUARE WITH A PONY TALE AND A ORANGE DRESS AND HE IS PASSING OUT PAMFLETS…… WE GRAB HIM AND A COUPLE OF THE OTHER ORANGE DRESS GUYS GOT A ATTITUDE………… I THINK YOU NOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT—   A COUPLE KRISHNAS GOT CRUSHED.!

JOHNNY CUPCHECK GOT ALL WEIRD ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.  I THINK HE THINKS THAT D AND D IS FOR NERDS, WHICH IT KINDA IS BUT HE DIDNT HAVE TO SAY IT ALL MEAN LIKE THAT. 😦

ROBERT FICK IS BACK PLAYING BASEBALL.  DONT KNOW WHICH TEAM NOW.

GREG CONOLY GOT A GIRL PREGENENT AND NOW HE LIVES IN SEATLE AND GOT A JOB AND EVERYHTING.  PROBABLY HE IS THE ONE WE HAVE TO PRAY FOR THE MOST!!! 🙂

I MADE UP ‘MAMA CUNA’ I WILL ADMIT!  I JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE WOULD THI NK I WAS COOL IF THEIR WAS AGIRL IN OUR GROUP.  MAMACUNA MEANS A BAD WORD IN ARMENIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (I WILL NOT TELL WHAT IT IS

SO NOW I AM BACK!?  WHY CAN THIS BE?!  SOMEONE MADE  MENTION OF THIS BLOG (https://joeskythedungeonbrawler.wordpress.com/) ON THERE OWN WEBSITE: http://planetalgol.blogspot.com/

A VERY COOL ONE AND YOU SHOULD GO THERE!  IT IS DUNGEONS & D, BUT DIFFERENT- THERE ARE ROBOTS AND SEX LADIES, AND THE PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT COLORS (A BLACK MAN IS SERIOUSLY BLACK, NOT JUST KINDA BROWN OR COFFFEE).  ALOT HAVE SWORDS, BUT A LOT ALSO HAVE GUNS.  CACTIS PEOPLE WITH PRICKLE-SKIN.  I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING BEFORE, BUT IT IS VERY VERY CREATIVE!!!! 

SO KNOW I HAVE SOME CREATIVE EN-ERGY OF MY OWN AND I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO D AND D, BUT THEIR IS NO GROUP.  NO PROBLEM!  I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS TO SHARE, I WILL SHARE THEM HERE WITH YOU.  TAKE SOME IDEAS, USE THEM FOR YOUR GAMES, BUT BE SURE TO REPORT BACK AND TELLING ME ALLABOUT IT SO I CAN LIVE VARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST UP: MY CUSTOM DISEASE TABLE.  MANY GAMES HAVE ALL THE NORMAL DISEASE, LIKE COLDS, TOMB ROT, BUTTERFACE, GIANT RAT BITES, ELF-RASH, ETC.. BUT I HAVE A FEW NEW ONES.  ROLL D20 ANYTIME A CHARACTER IS EXPOSED TO A DIRTY SITUATION:

1-2 HOBBITMOUTH: USUALY ONLY SEEN IN THE WEE FOLK, FROM EATING OF TOO MUCH PIES, THIS WILL IMMEDITE REDUCE CHARISMA TO 3.  ALSO CAUSE FEAR IN THE OPPOSTIT SEX.  CURE WITH SOME BRUSHING.

3-7 CAVALEIRS SHAME: JESUS THIS IS A TERRIBLE ONE.  THE BREATS SWELL INTO A WOMANLY STATURE.  JUST WALKING THROUGH TOWN CALLS FOR HOOTS AND WHISTLING.  LOSE A LEVEL IMMEDIATE (FROM THE EMBARASMENT). ON A PLUS SIDE, 18 CHARIMSA WHEN DEAL WITH OGRES, TROLL, HILL GIANTS, AND FELONS.  CURE WITH REDUCE+CURE DISEASE+WISH.

7-19 CANSER: THERE ARE MANY TYPES, ALL ARE DEALDLY BUT IT CAN TAKE YEARS.  ROLL 4D4 THAT IS HOW MANY YEARS TO LIVE, EACH YEAR YOU LOSE A POINT FROM ONE RANDOM ABILITY AND IF A ABILITY IS 3 OR LESS YOU DIE EARLY.  CURE DISEASE +BLESS TO CURE THIS ONE.

20 LICH ITCH: THEIR IS NO PICTURE FOR THIS ONE.  ROLL D100- THIS IS HOW MANY DAYS IT TAKES TO TRANSFORM INTO A LICH.  EACH OF THOSE DAYS IS SPEND ITCHTING, SCRATCHY, SLOWLY TEARING AWAY FLESH UNTIL ONLY BONE AND ANGER IS LEFT OVER.  BUT PROBABLY A LICH IS MORE COOL THAN YOUR CHARACTER WAS, SO THIS COULD BE A WIN FOR YOU!!  CURE WITH HEAL+REMOVE CURESE+BLESS+ALTAR REALITY.

I WILL NOT WAIT A LONG FOR THE NEXT POST!!!  SEE YOU SOON